Rainbow after a storm

Hi to all the mamas and mamas to be out there. 2020 has come to an end and 2021 is finally here. Some of us here have had the ride of our lives in 2020. Some of us had joy and some of us had heartache but the bottom line is we made it. Regardless of our journey we made it. My 2020 personally was very hard. I’ve went through things I thought never in a million years would happen to me. I lost my baby girl in May 2020 and it felt like my whole life was torn apart. I was angry at myself and my medical term of how they failed me and how I failed myself. The blame I put on myself wishing I could’ve done more for my child put me into depression. I went into a stage of letting myself go and only wanting one thing was to be able to be pregnant again and work harder to make sure my unborn baby was safe and sound. But sooner rather than later I realized that things were not in my control and it put me into a deeper hole. Finally, I then realize that it wasn’t only my life I was hurting it was my whole family. My first born needed me and my partner needed me. We were all grieving. We needed to learn how to go on with our lives. Not to forget but to learn and grow from it. Now, here I am pregnant at 7 weeks and the amount of anxiety and fear I have is something only another mother can feel on a deeper level. We are mothers the moment we know we are carrying and it doesn’t stop regardless of the situation. I’ve been crying missing my baby I lost and also praying that the little angel she sent stays with us.

I hope that all the mamas out there who are going through the same thing that we will safely bring our babies into our arms. I know that the feeling that once we get to hold our babies it’ll all be worth it.

Much love to everyone