I grew up really close to my neighbors. We lived in a poor neighborhood and since my parents worked all day I was mostly home alone all the time. I was about 8 years old and my neighbors were 10, 6& there was a newborn. The newborn baby(we’ll call him Jake) was like a little brother to me. I was always at their house because I didn’t like being alone. As Jake was growing, I liked taking the role of a big sister. I would always play with him at his house, outside or in my house.

During this time.. I also had an uncle that lived with me. The grossed perverted uncle. He showed interest in liking me since I was way younger. The furthest he went was an attempt to rape but I was able to fight back..I lived with so much fear &this was another reason I didn’t like being at home...

Anyway, going back...I recall.. there was a couple of times I would purposely make Jake cry😣 I was probably 11 by then and he was like 3.. but I remember I liked to see how easy I could change his emotions. I remember telling his mom id babysit him at my house. But I would just start to make him laugh and then I would do something so he could cry.. eventually I started having these sexual thoughts as well. But I never did anything sexual to him.

By the time he was in elementary, I wasn’t doing this crying games thing anymore. He treated me like his big sister. His other siblings didn’t like taking care of him.

I ended up moving to another city when I was 13. My family still keep in touch with his family.

The boy is now 17 I think and he is very timid. He’s got that Emo scene look and he’s doing very bad in school. He’s in a broken family. His mom told my mom he’s most likely not going to graduate high school.

I saw him once and he said he didn’t remember me. I do look different but at the same time. It’s got me thinking of what if he just rather say he doesn’t remember me..

My mom wants me to help him and talk to him. But I just feel so embarrassed:( I feel so disgusting about the way I was to him. I try to correlate my actions to the abuse I was going through myself.. but now I’m like damm idk what’s the best thing to do.. should I apologize to him? Should I just not get involved? Should I get counseling myself?😣