⛔️ ⚠️ Did I just get raped? Wth! TMI

This is disturbing so I warn you in advance that if this is too strong to read, please scroll away!

I’m in denial, I need help, I am shocked. I think my bf of 6 years raped me. I mentioned this to a friend and she told me that I did consent by not pushing him away. I just don’t feel like sex works this way!

So for years, we did family planning + condoms. We hadn’t moved in with eachother yet so this was the best way of BC for me. We only had intercourse once a week. Once we moved in, I googled all my options because obviously we would be having more sex. I decided to go with the pill. My appointment was not till a week later with my OB/GYN. I guess it’s all a process; I had to get counseling.

I told my bf and he seemed upset. I told him this was the best form of BC. He told me that we should stick to the pull out method and let God do the work. What a joke! I told him I wasn’t ready.

One night, my bf was acting weird. He was hugging me and kissing me. I was into it. This is where my friend said that I was giving consent. I was kissing him back and we were fore playing. TMI: he starts fingering me and making out with me more and more. I pause...

I told him to grab the condom. This is where it gets graphic!

He kicks the night stand and throws my clothes to the floor and tell me to leave the room. He kicks the bed and grabs me and tells me to leave . He goes off saying “im not going to wear that piece of shit condom” I’m getting my clothes ready to leave to the living room and he grabs me from behind. He tries to kiss me and touch me further. I told him that I was no longer in the mood. So he kicks the night stand again and throws me in the bed. He grabs his penis and slips it inside. I close shut my legs and he spreads them open. Somehow I manage to get off with a kick on his chest. He kicks me out and chases me out in the backyard.

Here I am a month later.....pregnant. I’m the most stupid girl ever. I didn’t think I would fall pregnant with something like that: I’m crying. I don’t want to see my bf at all. This is the first time he’s done this. My best friend is giving me the worst advice saying I shouldn’t have kissed him back. I was frightened. His face was red, eyeballs popping out ready to hit me. I just wanna cry so much. I’m alone...