Holding baby too much?

Question

This isn’t really a question but I guess I just need to vent. I’m really frustrated, my boyfriend and I currently live with his mom, our son will be 5 months Feb 3rd. I’m currently a stay at home mom because of covid so I’m with my son all day every day. My son has recently been dealing with some separation anxiety, even when I hand him off to his dad, he loses it. Well yesterday my boyfriends dad came over to visit the baby and as soon as we handed him off, my son lost it. And immediately my boyfriends mother was like “ yeah mommy holds you too much” hahah and I of course felt the need to try to explain myself and explain the separation anxiety. But she’s so judgmental and as a new mom that’s not easy to hear. I’m sorry but I’m not just going to let my 4 month old cry because you want to spend time with him or you think I hold him too much.

Answer

Absolutely not. I’ve taken countless courses on how children’s brains work and relationships as a foster mama and firmly believe the studies I’ve seen about how human connection works. You’re teaching your child about secure attachments. That he can trust you’ll be there when he’s nervous with scared or unsure. That he’s safe. That it’s ok to be unsure about new or unfamiliar people. He’s looking to you to see how he’s supposed to respond in these situations! This will benefit him in the future. 
My advice: don’t freak out if babe starts crying when held by someone else. Calmly take baby back and comfort them, then maybe try again later. Give baby time to warm up to new people and situations before expecting them to feel totally comfortable. 
Our rule is that if my kid doesn’t seem to want to be held by someone (be that grandparents, friends, anyone), I’m not going to force it. I do not give a flip what people may say about “spoiling him” or “holding too much”. It’s my responsibility to teach him secure attachment and respect for his feelings, that consent is important. He’s 6 months old.

Answer

I can’t add this to my own comment, but basically this. You are “base”. It’s important not to break any part of this circle by not responding to the child’s need. Right now, for us at 6 months, this looks like mom is base-I encourage him to try new things (being held by not me)-I let him know I’m still here with him and I interact with him while he’s being held for a minute til he clearly feels safe-he shows signs of wanting me or being uncomfortable so I take him back with a smile and praise-I hold him til he’s ready to start the circle again. The more you do this, the longer between each step gets as the child feels more and more secure that you’ll respond to the need.

Answer

In most recent studies, its been proven that holding your baby does not negatively affect their attachment style. I think it is good for mama to get a break from holding/baby wearing every now and then for some self care of course, but nothing wrong with holding your child.

Answer

5-6 months is about the right time for separation anxiety hitting tbh. So LO is right on track for that milestone. Id hate getting carried off by someone other than my mum if I was wanting a cuddle and comfort too. 
Its just a phase id just say to them. 
Plus if you want to cuddle your child you do it, fk what anyone else says.. pfft

Answer

All you need to say is, "nope, he is just learning they he is his own person". Or " Well I am really cool to hang out with". 
It has nothing to do with you(like in a nice way) it's actually just developmental. The only way right now your child knows to communicate is through crying(noise). Your baby has figured out that he is not attached to you and that you can walk away. At this stage they start seeing that you are not them and they can be "alone" or in an unfamiliar place.

Answer

He’s literally a baby and you’re his comfort zone. And his only method of communication is to cry. So of course you hold him when he cries, just like you feed him when he’s hungry. Infants crave that affection. And they’re only little for so long, and I wish i could just sit around and hold my boy again 🥺🥺 (he’s 4 now and still a momma’s boy but much more independent)

Answer

Separation anxiety is sooooooko common at this age. Even with kids who weren’t “held too much.” Also there is no such thing as holding your baby too much IMO.

Answer

I don’t care how old a baby/kid is or what the reason, if they don’t want someone to hold them and want me, they’re getting me! I’m not going to explain myself either. My in laws got upset with me on my sons first Christmas because he didn’t want anyone but me. They didn’t like that I’d grab him every time he cried for me. They would even try to walk away from me with him. He had had rsv the week before and still wasn’t back to his normal self. He was turning one in a few days, so I don’t know if it was separation anxiety or what. I also didn’t care. I heard that I held him too much. That I picked him up too soon after he started crying and I don’t even remember what else. At one point I took him and put him in my wrap so people couldn’t grab him. He was content. 
You ignore whatever she says about you holding your baby too much!

Answer

I rolled my eyes hard or would give a “look” when people would make comments like that because it’s so ignorant and completely rude.  I was always tempted to make snide comments back but there’s no point

Holding baby too much?

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