idk what to do
so,
my bf has a ten year old daughter. he and his ex wife split about 4 or 5 years ago and it was a traumatic experience for the kid. we live together and have been dating a while. she never goes over to her moms so she’s with us all the time. she back talks, is blatantly rude, and will not get better. my boyfriend and i cannot sit beside each other, look at each other, spend alone time together, or even talk to each other by her rules. she even gets mad if we text too much during the day. we went out to the grocery store one time while she was school and she got mad because i sat up front near him and she couldn’t stand between us. we have respected her boundaries and have been careful to watch what we do around her to avoid her getting angry and we don’t want to give her anymore trauma. however, it is taking a huge toll on our relationship. i can’t speak to my boyfriend until after she goes to bed and that has made me have a lot of built up anger towards her that i don’t want to have. i have spoke to my bf about the matter and he tries to discipline her but nothing works. i don’t know what else to do but it is draining me and leaving a huge void emotionally. i want to be a part of the family and i know having someone new step in is a big deal. however, i was raised to not speak rudely about people in front of the person and also that as the kid i wasn’t allowed much say because the parents made the rules. i want her to have a say but i don’t want her to run the house. i want to stay where i am and work through the issue because i want to help and give her a good female role model but i’m out of options. what can i do?
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