Hi everyone! Looking for advice on a situation that happened with my boyfriend recently. I’ll try to make this as short as possible...I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 10 years now and he has a teenage son from a previous relationship. My BF and I have never lived together and I do not have any children myself. I’m graduating with my PhD this year and we have recently discussed home buying In the imminent future. we are in a committed relationship and plan to marry and start a family together once we are established in our home.

Early on in our relationship, I noticed that my BF was never strict with his son. When his son misbehaved or did something wrong he would “punish” him, and then the next day take him to the movies or for ice cream or whatever as if the punishment did not exist. I would advise my BF against doing that and express the need for kids to have structure and that he should stick to his word when issuing punishments. Again, I don’t have any children but have personally observed the effects of what happens over time when parents do not effectively discipline their children...My bf would feel bad for punishing his son and take it back almost every time, claiming that he didn’t want to spend his timesharing with his son with him being on punishment (he has shared custody with his ex).

Now, nearly 8 or so years later, his son is a rebellious teenager. He’s not keeping up with schoolwork, talking back, has an attitude almost all the time and frankly doesn’t want to listen to anything my bf says. He has close to zero respect for him and has literally told

Him that he doesn’t want to be there at times. My bf and his son argue all of the time and now when he tries to punish him, his son just doesn’t care. He doesn’t take my bf seriously. Unfortunately, coparenting between my bf and his ex has not been easy and they don’t see eye to eye on a majority of things; she gives no effort in working with him and she has disrespected my bf countless times right in front of their son.

More so lately, my bf has expected me to chime in and give two cents on issues he’s having with his son’s behavior after he has unsuccessfully tried fo implement rules and discipline him They argue almost every time his son comes over. Even though I’m not present when these arguments occur, which is 99% of the time, my bf wants me to talk to his son about the issues they are having and attempt to reinforce what my bf is telling him. Me and his son have a great bond, but I don’t feel like he regards me as a “mother figure”. I have always held the status as more of a friend to him, especially since me and his dad aren’t married or live together. I try as much as possible to avoid conflicts and don’t interject myself in situations that don’t involve me. But If I witness an issue first hand, I speak up and say something to his son and his son does listen to me.

lately, my bf and I have argued about the issues he’s having with his son because he feels that I should be more involved and more supportive of him when he is trying to discipline him. I tried explaining to him that I’m not comfortable coming over to his house and basically nagging at his son upon my arrival about the issues they are having when I wasn’t even there when the issues occurred. My bf accuses me of not having his back and Is upset at me for “not making an effort to help him mend his relationship with his son” and we got into a big fight this week.

I literally don’t know what to do...I’ve been avoiding going over to my bf house the last few days to let things cool down and to avoid fighting with him about this, and it’s giving me so much anxiety. Just looking for advise from a third party on the situation. Any insight will help...thanks so much in advance ❤️ and so sorry for this being so lengthy!