Where do I even start ❓ .....

Well twenty twenty 01/01/2021 one has started out so great like I said the first day I'm taking back my life today❗like demi Lovato said everything was going I still have hope and is going amazing January was great I felt stronger and better than ever I felt unstoppable and like I could conquer it all I finally had a voice and power I finally was able to be free feel free and speak out February was going great 02/02/2021 I found out I was pregnant around 11:27 pm ik was in shock as soon as I saw a faint pink line I felt butterflies in my stomach I didnt believe it at first I call out for my husband while hes in the shower and ask if he sees anything he says no at this point I'm freaking out I take another one and I'm like I think it's broken ask him again do you see something he goes no 😅but in reality he did he says take another one we take 3 more all positive at this point I'm crying tears of joy and freaking out I feel butterflies in my stomach the next morning I go out to the kitchen my mother in law asks what's wrong i say nothing just feel sick 02/03/2021 my mother in law makes me an appointment me not thinking nothing of it still thinking the test are broken or wrong but deep down I knew they weren't my appointment roles around 2:40 pm its confirmed I'm pregnant! I leave the clinic and tell my mother in law and start crying tears of joy I'm finally going to be a mother its always been my dream while in the car excitedly we call my father in law to let him know then I get home and let my husband know he calls some of his close family members to let them know I'm calling mine its setting in I'm a mother well not yet doctor says I'm 5 weeks pregnant! Here are when things start heading down hill at this point I'm so in love with a person I haven't even seen or held or know its love at first sight all unconditional love because at this point mommy and daddy love you very much! already and we cant wait for your arrival I start getting inpatient because I cant wait to meet the baby hug kiss and snuggle the baby few days pass its sunday 02/07/2021 I start faintly bleeding I start getting panicky and scared and start crying call the doctor to explain what's going on and to schedule another appointment 02/08/2021 next day comes around I have an appointment scheduled for 4:15 pm doctor's tell me jm 6 weeks pregnant! I'm still so excited and cant wait! She says I need blood work to figure out what's going on either A. Early pregnancy B. Miscarriage C.the babys in the wrong spot 02/09/2021 next day comes around time to get blood work and check my hcg quant it's at ( 12.24) at this point its Tuesday I call the doctor back to review my test results she says I have to come back in a fe days to check if my levels went up or down if they go up it's good because it's an early pregnancy but if the go down something is up Thursday comes around 02/11/2021 time to get my blood work repeat to hcg quant #2 my levels dropped from a (12.24 ) to a ( 4.94 ) I go home hoping and praying for the best I'm in bed when I get an alert on my phone test results are in! I check see that they are at (4.94) at this point deep down in my heart I know the truth I'm going through a miscarriage the sad reality kicks in I break down I cant even begin to describe how I'm feeling or how to express myself or what to do all I can do is sit here and cry cry and cry because theirs nothing I can do or anyone can do to bring my baby back to me the heartbreak I felt and the heart break I'm feeling is unbearable I cant think straight I'm in a haze a walking zombie like I call it at this point all I can do is cry because I don't know how to Express myself I feel like I'm going insane and losing my mind like I'm here but I'm not here like I'm alive but cant feel I can see and hear what's going on around me but it all doesn't make sense and I'm not processing this very good it's going to take me awhile for me to heal from this so i ask everyone to please be patient with me till i figure out how to cope and figure out what's going on and so i can heal I'm not saying it's going to be fast because its going to take some time but ....itll do and I'll be ok with teary eyes and heartache I'm writing this