Is this normal? *trigger warning*

Question

3 years ago I was raped by my fiancé. While drinking I passed out in our home and he raped me in the shower and in our bed. He penetrated me with hairspray bottles and filmed it. He showed me the video the next morning and I brushed it off and completely forgot about it.  Our relationship has always been pretty toxic and some stuff has caused that night to resurface for me and I am so not okay. He doesn’t acknowledge what he did to me and he only says “I was drunk too and I’m sorry you see it that way”.  I don’t know why it’s taken me so long to actually accept that I was raped by the man I love. It hurts. I don’t know what to do.
Is this a normal thing for something bad to happen then for you to not realize how truly bad it was until much later? I seriously don’t understand how I feel or what to do about this...
Can someone please give me advice? Should I just drop it?

Answer

It’s normal to repress or not process the seriousness of what happened for some time. Some people understand straight away whilst others can take ages to comprehend the violation committed against them. When you’re in a relationship with somebody who has raped or sexually assaulted you, you tend to play it down or make excuses for them which contributes to not dealing with the situation.
Now you do understand, it’s time to leave him. I’m sorry, but I can’t think of any scenario where I could forgive someone for raping me. I just can’t. What makes it worse is that he won’t even take accountability for what he’s done. He’s broken your trust and violated your body. I don’t think there’s any getting over that. 
You need to end this relationship and get into therapy to help deal with the trauma. You can report him to the police if you want but I would understand if that’s not something you feel like you can do. 
I’m sorry this happened to you and I hope you find peace and more importantly someone who treats you with respect and dignity.

Answer

No, you should not just drop it. You were raped. He touched & penetrated you without your consent & filmed it. No part of that is okay. 
I think you need to get faaaaar away from this man & cut your engagement off now. Thats not normal & it’s not a normal response for him to say “I’m sorry you see it that way.”
That tells you right off the bat that even though you’ve expressed your concerns & feelings regarding it, he does not see it as rape, therefore he will do it again. He sees nothing wrong with it. 
It needs to be addressed. Don’t let him use the excuse of “well we’re engaged”, or “I was drunk”, or “it happened a long time ago”. 
NO! Cut this man off, get the video & report him!!

Answer

You were supposed to be safe at home drinking without fear of sexual assault if you passed out. Girl I would have ran then... Thats a major red flag 😳😳😳 how can someone do that to someone they "love" yikes.

Answer

Yeah unfortunately it is normal, to just kinda push it to the back of your mind and say it wasn't that bad.
I was friends with an ex who sexually assaulted me forcefully, I ran away from him that night, and cried about it, felt violated and told a friend. But I didn't stop associating with the person who hurt me. It was like I forgot for a good 4-5 years, and suddenly I just realized how horrible what he did actually was & stopped downplaying it in my mind. 
I feel so weird about continuing a friendship with someone who sexually assaulted me. I ended up having to cut him off later for violating boundaries again, but not in person. 
I actually was afraid of him after that, but I didn't let it sink in why.
I think these are effects of rape culture, I told a friend but they didn't care. They stayed friends with that person to this day. I told myself "it wasn't that bad" and excused the behavior- besides I felt there was nothing I could do. 
I'm really sorry this happened to you, and feeling violated by someone you love is a particularly awful and strange feeling.

Answer

I was sexually assaulted by a partner in the past! I still have flash backs of him on top of me and me saying no.. im also 90 percent sure that wasn't the only time he did stuff to me while I was passed out after a night of drinking....I've  never discussed this with anyone and I stayed for 6 months after this event... this man does not love you. He does not deserve your time or love. Im so sorry you went through this but please leave..

Answer

It’s normal
To repress memories especially to prevent experiencing the trauma over and over again. Just know this is not your fault and you did not deserve that. He had no right to rape you, he had no right to film you, and he has no right to use his being drunk as an excuse. The fact he don’t acknowledge how wrong he was and still is... is a huge red flag. You need to go as soon as you possibly can. You were suppose to be safe. He was suppose to keep you safe and he did the opposite. He betrayed your trust. He abused you. Your not safe with him please go stay with family , maybe a friend. I know it’s not ideal but , your safety is. I am here if you ever want to talk my love ❤️ fuxk him and if you still have the video take it to the cops and get his ass arrested. You are strong. Your a survivor and you will make it out on the other side. Sending positivity and all my love ❤️

Answer

It’s normal to not recognize how serious something traumatic, it’s the body’s coping mechanism. He’s a sick, sick person. Not only did he record it but showed it to you he’s so sick, I feel like throwing up. His excuse is he was “drunk.” This is BS, he knows what he did. It’s completely abnormal to be penetrating your partner with hairspray bottles while they are passed out. 
Try to get that tape and go to the police. I strongly suggest you get therapy and leave him after you get the evidence you need to make him rot in jail. You need to leave him, he’s a sicko. 
Contact the RAINN hotline for help. They can help you find a therapist and guide you with resources to get you the help you need. I’m sorry you’re going through this. This sick man does not love you. You need to leave this relationship!

Answer

Yes, trauma has a way of magically getting stuff down. I forgot my mom abandoned me.... Twice. Then it all flooded back.
You shouldn't be with this vile person, and you need to charge him so he doesn't do it to anyone else.

Is this normal? trigger warning

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