“It’s your first”


Lately I’ve been told, by a few women (IRL), that I‘ve made certain parenting choices or I’m feeling a particular way about my 13m old daughter because “it’s your first child“. I hear “I was that way with my first too”. “Oh, you’re doing it like that? Well, it’s your first.” The implication is always that I’m going to have more, and that *my reactions or decisions are somehow inadequate or anemic because I don’t have more children.* It really seems to be a common turn of phrase.

Ladies, I want to suggest that we stop saying this to each other. I think it’s pretty harmful. Personally, I’m not sure that I want any more children, so every time I hear this I feel unnecessarily judged. What if I struggled with infertility? I don’t, but what if...? My one daughter is enough for me, please stop implying that I should or am going to activate my uterus again.

We should rather say something like “when you have a child, and everything is new, it can seem that way...” not the careless, expectant, pressure-inducing phrase “it’s your first”.

I hope we can all agree to say something better to one another 🌸 rant over.