I have always loved my baby. But it feels like this past week my eyes are brighter then they have been since she was born. This past weekend my husband and I were watching tv when I came across an article on my phone about a mother committing suicide from PPD. It wasn’t until this weekend that all the talks I’ve had with my husband these past 4 months really set in for him. We’ve talked constantly about how him and all our parents/friends failed to show any support to me after I had the baby. I’ve posted on here about it a few times. I went through something extremely traumatic with her C-section birth and everyone acted like I had a mole removed. He would say he understood after all our convos but he never truly did. So it would make me sad and mad. After reading the article to him, he looked at me and said “My God the way you felt must have been horrible...” and I told him it truly was. I felt alone. He didn’t understand what I meant and I had to go deeper to explain. I told him how I felt like I was swimming in the dark. That I felt like I had to keep myself floating and I would eventually find the edge of the pool. He asked me if I just decided one day I felt better and I told him I didn’t feel better but there was no support from anyone so I had to just feel better so I could care for our daughter. I felt like if I didn’t the world would crumble apart. I couldn’t feel what I was feeling. No one supported me asking my doctor for help. I was told if I didn’t feel like I could function daily then I didn’t need medicine. So I didn’t take it and I told myself I just couldn’t feel the neglect, the isolation and the sadness.

Ladies... his head sunk down after I finished. He said he wished I would have told him. I told him that I did but he didn’t listen. He was supposed to look out for me and watch me like the doctor said. I trusted him to do it. I wasn’t in the right mind to do it myself. He hugged me and told me he was so sorry and loved me.

Since then I feel like my eyes are brighter. I’m happier. When my baby cries I don’t get frustrated at myself or the situation. I’ve always loved everything about my baby but now it feels like it’s a bigger love than it was before. It makes me a little sad that it took all this time for it to be like this but I’m glad it at least is this way now.

Anyone else ever go through something similar?