Reposted in the correct group this time.. Hopefully🤷🏻‍♀️ Also, I apologize it is so lengthy especially after adding an update...

So my husband & I both grew up in a decent low-miss class income families. He had it tougher then I as his parents divorced when he was a baby.

We do & always have lived paycheck to paycheck & struggled. Everyone in our circle knows about our lives.

Recently a family member passed away & we are about to receive a very VERY large inheritance that will be life altering beyond our belief!

I am a very modest, private person & do not like the people in our lives that flaunt their money & rub it in others faces. I don’t like that they believe money is power & take advantage of it.

My husband is not like this, however he does have a slight superficial side when it comes to being accepted by certain family. He had a rough upbringing & was about to inherit money years ago, but it was contested & he lost it. He’s held a grudge ever since.

Anyway, I have so much fear about receiving this inheritance & how it will undoubtedly change our lives!

So first, how do I express that I want the details of the inheritance kept private? What do you say to someone who asks “how much money are you getting?” (Someone who knows the potential of the amount) ..

How do you help friends & family you feel deserve it & need it, without disclosing the amount you got?

But most importantly, how do my husband & I get on the same page about what our future looks like? (For example, he wants to buy fancy cars & an mansion & I want to have a decently humble upgrade & live frugally)

I’m asking here because literally I don’t know who to ask without giving all the details! Already people are kissing our butts as soon as they heard he passed & we don’t like it! Friends crawling out of the woodworks & distant family suddenly ready to make amends.. It’s making me nauseous with anxiety & I secretly hoped he was not in the will. I had no clue this would be my life one day!!

*****UPDATE*****

Thank you for the feedback!

Wanted to answer a few questions, however remain anonymous due to the situation.

Inheritance is not marital property where we live & it is my husbands family member. It will not be going to probate as everything has already been set up in trusts & taken care of. It’s very specific. The amount honestly scares me. It will last beyond our life spans & be left to our children. We already have charity’s we will be giving to & donating to my church also..

We definitely are going to invest in to our future & plan to grow the business we have been working towards for our family.

I did speak with my husband last night & he agreed to a financial advisor & heard my fears about a flashy life that I don’t want.. I even told him I was prepared to walk away with NOTHING except our child & I would never ask for anything. He heard me. FINALLY! He said he understood & we had a good talk about compromising for our future.

So the issue with those we know being “nosy” is that they know the family has an audacious amount given the history of the ancestors. My side of my family is very open & honest about everything & while they will not ask or expect handouts, they are the type that will obsess over trying to control what we do with it. His side of the family just knows the “worth”, they are the ones buttering my husband up after a life long trial of hurt, pain & disownment yet him desperately seeking acceptance & love. They are the ones that have made their sly comments like “I hope he remembers his momma.. He can pay off my new car payment... It sure would be nice to be able to finish building our house...” (the house one, his mom bought 3 lands to leave to her children, he is the first of 4 with 3half siblings. They live farther away & she always makes odd statements about the math behind it all -3 properties-4 kids.......🤔) anyway.. She made these statements when she thought he was getting money from a separate loss last summer.. But it was a mess. We had a falling out & I tried to reconcile with her last October & she hasn’t wanted to do anything & only communicates with our toddler. All of a sudden, she wanted to reconcile with me.. That’s what I’m talking about, how to deter away from her comments in a respectful way. He wants to help his siblings, but not necessarily any other of his family.. We can’t pretend like we don’t know how much & can’t pretend like it was nothing when we will be making some life changes so it will be obvious.. For example, we have been planning to move to another state, but money was the issue, even if we live a very simple life, the fact we are able to make this “dream move” will be enough for them to -know-... We do not want to be greedy by any means, it’s a matter of that we already have boundaries set up with certain loved ones & a “money boundary” was never needed until now, so I don’t know how to put it into words.