26 & toxic relationship with mom? Sorry it’s super long

Really long just need to vent at this point..

So, I have a very hit and miss relationship with her. My entire childhood she always told me she hated me and always preferred to be with my cousins and treat them as her children instead of me.

It got worst the older I got because I was less submissive and would fight back but try to not disrespect her.

I stayed home when I was in college because she didn’t want me to leave but right after graduating I moved a few states away. No real career and found a place to live a few days later. Almost 5 years later I still don’t know how I pulled it off.

Well when I got married a few years ago she got mad that I wouldn’t get married the way she wanted (religion and party and all that) so she basically told me I wasn’t her child and she doesn’t care what happened to me. My dad sided with her and I got married without them there. A few months later she “got over it.” So we have had a few fights since but not too bad.

Last year I bought a house and they came to visit me for the first time ever (keep in mind she travels everywhere much further away to see other family but wouldn’t come to see me.) so when she came we took them to dinner, they stayed in our bed and we had the air mattress, and we paid for everything. During her last night I closed MY car door a little too hard for her liking and she yelled at me. I told her it was my car so I could do whatever. The next day she didn’t talk to me before she left and didn’t respond their entire drive.. then she said how I treated her worst than a cockroach and disrespected her and she’d never come back and so much more.

Well a few months later I had an early miscarriage and didn’t tell anyone we were pregnant yet at that point. She pointed out what I could’ve done wrong to have lost this baby and why I didn’t tell her. I told her not to tell anyone because she always tells what I tell her to her friends and other family. Well she did. So when I got pregnant 2 weeks after I waited until her birthday to tell her.

My cousin helped me by making a surprise and again I told her not to tell anyone because I was just 8 weeks & still wanted it private. Well she told her friends because “it’s exciting for her she shouldn’t keep it from them..”

After her birthday she told me all these things I needed to do (old Mexican wives tales I don’t really believe in) and she got mad and said she wished me a good life but didn’t want to be in it because I didn’t let her tell anyone.

Back and forth again and again, getting mad I want an epidural, that I took nausea medication, I didn’t want a gender reveal. Etc. It was a weekly fight.

When we announced she said she was going to and I said “wait a few days then do it. Let us have this moment” again she said a bunch of things...

She did not let me tell her the gender and said I had to send it to her friend so she could have a gender reveal she deserves and she thought it was rude I found out before her what the baby was.. so I ordered her a little thing but it didn’t make her happy enough.

She just messaged me saying again she wishes me a good life that she loves me but she won’t be part of my life anymore.

I’m just tired. My whole life she has threaten me with leaving and never coming back and how I have to do things her way because she’s my mother and I HAVE to respect her.

Am I wrong for putting my foot down? I just can’t keep feeling this way during my pregnancy. It’s not healthy. She’s mad I want to have a private pregnancy, I only want my husband in the delivery room, I don’t want to share the name, etc. I’m barely half way there but I can’t keep doing it plus after.