Taboo Tuesdays: When to give up TTC?
Sometime after the miserable failure of my 4th IVF procedure, my husband turned and asked me: "When do we stop?"
I looked at him as if he had grown two heads. "What do you mean?"
"I know how badly you want to be a mom. I do. But when is enough enough? How much longer can we keep doing this to ourselves? Riding this roller coaster? The money, the tears. When do we stop? When do we give up?"
I remember the day perfectly. It was a freakishly beautiful spring day - but it felt like the sunshine was mocking my misery. I remember my answer too. Because I was resolute.
"We never stop. We just move forward. We take the next step. I don't know what that is yet. Another IVF. An appointment with a surrogate. Egg-donation. Consulting adaption agencies. But we don't stop. This is not something I can just give up on. The desire to become a mother - it is everything to me. It IS me. I can't separate this need from my identity. I can't put it aside and move on. So we just move forward. No matter how long it takes."
And that's what we did, because that is me and that is how I felt.
What about you? How do you feel about your TTC journey? Are there lines you will not cross? What, if anything, will stop you?
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