Toddler tantrums/hitting/not listening... advice please 😩 (long read 😬)

Okay so I’m a new Mom, still figuring everything out as we go, I KNOW toddlers are a crazy animal I’m just worried mine is extra bad?? Lol I don’t know what to do, it’s getting difficult. She is 20 months old.

If she’s confined, like in a grocery cart or stroller, she’s usually really good! I take her everywhere with me as I’m a SAHM. She’s great. But the second she’s allowed to be free and run, ohhhh she wants to do her own thing, and throws a fit if I try to redirect her. She’s bull headed and independent. She actually used to be really shy, still is sorta, as in clinging to my leg if she sees a stranger, etc. So this behavior is kind of shocking. Anyway, we go to the park. She does great, runs around and has fun and loves it, and when it’s time to go I grab her hand and try to walk and let her know it’s time and it’s like she knows we are headed to the car and starts crying, going limp, throwing herself on the ground, and I’ll pick her up and I have to hold her arms down because she’ll try to hit me or pull my hair. Or if I give her something to hold in her hands as a distraction she will throw it cus she’s pissed. They are usually a few minutes and I just say no sternly and “nice hands” and do not give in. Usually she calms down after a few.

Same thing with gymnastics. She just started a tumble class for toddlers and I was really excited to get her involved, but low key anxious about tantrums. But I knew I just need to stick with it . So she had her first class and again she had fun, ran around and participated in the stations that were set up, it was very cute and she loved watching the other kids play. She did cling to me at first and after a few minutes she was comfortable and started doing her own thing. So if I tried to redirect her to a different station or try to teach her how to do something, she started her tantrum , and again when it was time to leave she threw herself on the ground. She was crying and all red in the face and once i got her outside to cool off and let her walk to the car with me she was fine. Is this normal ???? What else should I be doing?? It’s really difficult taking her places but I know I can’t let that deter us or keep her locked up. I also get embarrassed 😞. But She needs to learn. I also don’t want her to be a brat. I’m in my 30s and am very patient. She’s my world. But I was in the “get your A%%^” Beat Generation when we acted up lol. Obviously I know she’s too little and some things she doesn’t understand but I can tell she’s getting to where she does understand some things and I want her to be respectful. How can I help her understand or lessen these tantrums, am I doing something wrong?? Thank you so much. Xoxo tired and worried mama