I’m huge☹️

So I got pregnant at 200lbs. I’m currently like 210 ish and I’m 8.5 weeks pregnant. I’m 5”5 and period to pregnancy I was 20 lbs (170)over my average weight from all the stress of trying to get pregnant and all the fast food for coping. (Yes I know it’s bad.)

I got diagnosed last year with type 1 diabetes, and got back down to pre pregnancy weight. Then they put me on insulin and I gained 20 something pounds of water weight in literally 2 days.

I’m really struggling with my self esteem rn and today my husband wanted me to get maternity dresses, so I got 2. I look 5 months pregnant. I just look so big and I feel so defeated.

They said that after this baby I can take type 1 specific weight loss drugs to help me with the water weight since all I do is drink water and it won’t go away. I have dealt with pretty severe anorexia in the past and this is the biggest I’ve ever been. I was almost 235 when I gave birth last January and was able to lose 55lbs before getting diagnosed.

Does anyone have any advice? How do I not feel this way? People already ask me how far along I am and it’s so awkward when I say 8.5 weeks.