So I don't do this but nothing else is working so I'm game to try anything in hopes of relieving some of this mental anguish I'm dealing with now...

I'll be 36 in May 2021 and have always wanted to be a mom. It truly is one of my biggest dreams but life hasn't felt the same. I have no children. I've been told for the last 13 years that I cannot have children due to my infertility. Brokenhearted doesn't come close to how that has made me feel but I dealt with it and decided there are plenty of children in the world who need a home so I wanted to look into adoption. My wife and I are separated, have been for almost 2 years now currently waiting for the divorce to be finalized. The last 2 years we were actually together I wanted to adopt a child so I could have the family I had always wanted but she kept telling me she doesn't want children. She asked for a divorce mid July 2019, her daughter just turned 1 April 1st, 2021 (you do the calculations). Yea....she is now a mom to a beautiful little girl!! Well I found out I was pregnant 4 days before Christmas 2020. I was so shocked and then just ecstatic! My dream was finally becoming reality!! Then I miscarried first week of February 2021. I was once again completely heartbroken 💔. I want a family more than anything but that miscarriage was extremely hard on me. Now, 2 months later....I'm supposed to start my period today, I haven't yet. I don't want to get my hopes up again. I've got surgery scheduled for April 19th, 2021 to have 2 herniated disc's removed from my spine so that it stops compressing my spinal cord and I can regain (hopefully) the use of my right arm and hand as I have no use of them at this time due to the nerves that are also being compressed. To get pregnant right now, while I would be happy as it is truly a miracle to me, I'm not sure I can mentally handle another miscarriage if it goes wrong. Am I wrong to feel this way? When will it be my turn!? 😪👶🤰🤱

Honestly I just need some mental support from anyone who may feel the same, is going through something similar, knows how it feels, or just has some kind words or advise.