*HELP!! REALLY Need Woman Support :(

I THANK YOU for reading my current situation.

Long story short, I’m about 30 weeks pregnant I’ve gained so much weight it’s extremely sad I cry every time I look at my self in the mirror. Today it hit me like I just can’t stand looking at myself. I don’t know why so much weight gain. I started at 112lbs and I’m up close to 150, and have 2 more months to go. I’ve felt extremely insecure this entire pregnancy as I’ve always been a petite girl.

My husband and I have been married since 2019, he had a drinking problem when I met him, were he’d come home drunk and storm off in his truck when I would confront him. He has been good for over a year now, no drinking issues and my marriage has felt like the BEST in the world. Oddly today, after so long I suspected something was up supposly he stayed at work until very late, I tried calling him no answer only voicemail. He called on his way home and hung up on me when I asked where were you,.... I knew he was lying bc he got defensive. He got home as I expected buzzed almost drunk, I confronted him and told him after so long, why now?!?! He got mad and took off in his truck, his truck on-star gps says he is at our community park, likely passed out bc he is not a good drinker he falls asleep. In the past I would cry and beg him too stay, get in my car to look for him. This time I’m EXTREMELY SAD like I’m so sad it’s painful and I let him drive off. I didn’t beg him too return. I’ve been crying and crying all night since he left of his disappointment I Am with him but mainly with me for believing and trusting that he’d change. After so long of being good this has gotten me in shock I just can’t stop crying of how sad I Am. I’ve thought of leaving him and moving on with my life with my son but it hurts me bc he really has been Amazing but in the past I had gave him an ultimatum and I’d told him I would not tolerate this but when I look In the mirror I just see a big fat whale and think maybe that’s why he is doing this he is sad if how I’ve gotten (although he always daily said his beautiful I look and it’s all In my head). I’m just so sad, I want to go to the park and look for him to get back but I also want him to learn on his own and I’m just tired of begging and feeling this way. I’m sad for my baby I’ll be 30 weeks Friday and he keeps kicking me I can’t stop crying and I don’t know if he feeling my emotions but how can I stop I’m just so sad 😞 I’m just looking for some encouragement or advice from Women out there that could have gone through the same. I’m almost not Hungry but I know the baby is hungry and I should force myself to eat. I feel helpless right now and overwhelmingly SAD.