How do I tell my friend im pregnant?

Question

My friend & her husband have been trying to have a baby for awhile now. She is obviously pretty stressed over it all.. I told her last month that my husband & I are going to start trying to for baby #2 and it happened the first cycle (it happened the 1st cycle with my 1st baby too) so obviously I'm excited but I just know this will be such a blow to her.. we actively talk about trying and stuff and ugh I wanna tell her but I feel like no matter how I do it, it will seem like I'm bragging or throwing it in her face and I feel so guilty. .

Answer

I am the infertile friend. I have always appreciated when friends waited a bit to tell me so it wasn't like "I have to tell you right away because I'm excited and I don't care how you feel." Text was always easiest so I can process my feelings in private. Acknowledging that they know it is painful and hard is good. And then taking a step back and letting the friend decide what they need. Don't bring up the baby unless they ask. Don't turn every conversation into one about the baby. Don't remind her that it only took you one try for both (she can do the math if she wants).

Answer

Hi, I’ve been the friend who struggled to get pregnant. For me, although I understand how awkward it can be all around and trying to be delicate with excitement versus our (struggling friend) feelings, for me it made me feel guilty for the pregnant person to have any hesitation in telling me about their good news. I’ve even found out from a third party and it felt like a gut punch. Again, I appreciate the attempt at being delicate for our feelings, but give us the opportunity to celebrate you. If this is not a toxic relationship she should be able to be happy and celebrate you and process any sadness she has outside of that.. hope that makes sense

Answer

I lost a friend over this recently. First she had. Pregnancy scare )hoping pregnancy) and then I did (already have kids, wasn’t excited right then) and she got really mad at me for talking to her about it. She isn’t not fertile she just has a husband who does not want kids for a while, which sucks because she is mid 30s and he is mid 20s. We have been friends for 14 years and we haven’t talked in 8 months, she ignores me. I had to come to terms with that we are in different parts in our life and she is obviously jealous and maybe once she has kids we can be friends again. Best wishes. It really is telling if she is a good friend or not to be honest. As long as your gentle and respectful if she is nasty it’s in her. You gotta live your life too and it’s not your fault your more fertile.

Answer

That fact that you are already considering her feelings is great! I struggled with infertility and had to watch a lot of people get pregnant have babies and sometimes even two babies before I had one, and it was heartbreaking. Unfortunately for you, at least for me, the worst was when someone would get pregnant first try or accidentally. It’s not your fault but the pain that causes is almost unbearable. All of that being said, I agree with the others that text message was easier to process because it allowed me to react however I wanted. Not sure if your husband is friends with hers or not but if you told the husband first he might also be able to break the news gently to her. Remember that although it hurts, deep down she is happy for you. Give her space to process and I’m sure you guys will be fine!

Answer

I wish I had advice for you. This happened with me and someone I know. We had our babies like two weeks apart. She went through fertility treatments and I did not. She started trying again when she was cleared by her MD and I waited. We talked about her journey, she actively asked me when I would start trying, she was excited for me etc. Well we started trying and I was pregnant immediately. When I told her she wasn't really happy for me, and has basically stopped talking to me. No more texts, photos, daily chats, nothing. 
It's a hard conversation for sure.

How do I tell my friend im pregnant?

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