Advice was molested as a child by two cousins

Okay so I was molested by two cousins at age 7 years old one 13 the other 17 my mom had me young at 15 so I lived with her mom far away then when I was 9 moved back with my other grandma far away from them. I started lashing out in school always in trouble I started discovering my sexuality at age 8 I started touching my self because I remember how one of my cousins touched me on top of my panties and jumped me with pants on so then in my room when I was alone I started having curiosity and touching myself all the time once even got caught by my grandma and she said to not do that that it wasn’t good. I lost my virginity at 13 then after that started having sex with lots of different guys I started loving and needing sex at age 17 I had already been with 8 different guys. Then now I found a good guy I’m 22 and he is 25 we are married for almost two years now and I feel like if I don’t have sex I have anxiety I feel unable to sleep anxious but when I do do it with him I feel embarrassed I feel like I can’t even look at him especially since I remember how at age 7 was the first time I saw a penis and was forced to give a blow job to my 17 year old cousin then his brother started doing the same things all the time. I have years without seeing them now. My husband doesn’t know this is really embarrassing for me.