Am I asexual?

Question

My girlfriend has been really wanting to have sex, but everytime we try, I have trouble getting hard and when I do get hard I start thinking about bad stuff. I'm 18 and 2 years ago when I was 16 my mom sent me to stay with my uncle because I was getting into trouble. My uncle wanted to show me what would happen if I keep getting in trouble and got sent to prison and did a lot of sexual stuff with me and made me do a lot of sexual stuff that I didn't want to do... It went on everyday for a year.. Could that have made me asexual? Because I just think about every time we try to have sex and I get panicky. Will I never be able to have sex? My girlfriend is getting mad that I'm not pleasing her and said I don't love her. I do and I'm really trying. So it I don't prove I love her by having sex with her on or before her birthday in two weeks she's breaking up with me. If I am asexual how can I make myself have sex and just ignore the thoughts? I want her to know I love her and I'm willing to try anything.

Answer

No, you’re traumatised. Thinking about that clearly doesn’t arouse you, it does the opposite. You’ve experienced something awful which is what your body is reacting to and your girlfriend should be more understanding of that. I hope you reported your disgusting uncle and that he’s in prison where he belongs. What’s happening to you is 100% normal for someone who has experienced sexual assault/rape. Would you consider talking to a mental health professional to work through it? I think you could really benefit from doing so.

Answer

Any person, be it a man or a woman, who uses the "If you love me you'll sleep with me" line is a manipulator and a scumbag. If this girl truly loves you she will want you both to be 100% comfortable the first time you have sex, not give you a timeline. You either need to have a serious conversation about the manipulation or let her go. Either way, look into therapy because what your uncle did was sick and horrible and I'm sorry that you experienced it.

Answer

No, it sounds like what you’re dealing with is trauma and ptsd. Sex can be difficult for those with sexual trauma, and it can make it incredibly hard to get out of your head and control this anxiety and panic that starts. Is it possible for you to see a therapist? And if you’re comfortable with it, I’d suggest telling your girlfriend. You don’t need to go into detail if you’re not comfortable with it, but letting her know might be a good idea. But what she’s doing sounds a bit manipulative. She’s trying to guilt you by saying you don’t love her because you’re struggling and that is not ok, so I might reconsider your relationship.

Answer

I dont think you're  asexual either. You have a hard time associating sex with pleasure because  it was never a pleasurable  experience  for you.
I think you should take whatever notice you need to become more comfortable or talk with someone. 
She either needs to be patient nor you guys should split or it's not going to make things  any better for you. 
I'm sorry these awful people exist but I hope you can overcome this in your own time

Answer

If she wants to walk away let her ! You went through something so horrible and I’m so sorry You did , But you shouldn’t feel bad or even push yourself to have intercourse heal your heart and your mind first and everything else will fall into place ! I’m seriously so sorry you went through this 😓

Am I asexual?

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