Seeking Therapy but Vent Here Right Now

I just ended things after 1 year of marriage.

1 YEAR!

He was sexting other women and cheated.

A month ago, I came out and told my mother (I'm 31) about my rape when I was 5 by 2 of my uncles. One of my uncles is currently in prison and when confronted over the phone by my mother, he said that he'll write her a letter to tell her to the truth. The letter never came. He called and asked if she kept in contact with 2 of my cousins (2 of my aunt's, her sister's daughters) and my mom said yes and why?

It was revealed that the letter will contain details to what my other uncle (not the one who wrote the letter) did to them too!

Since initially telling my mom about it my overall well being has spiraled downward.

I noticed this week that I am not keeping up on personal hygiene and my house looked a mess. I just finished folding clothes and don't have the energy to hang them up. I just want to sleep and cry! I haven't even made up my bed from washing the bedset 2 weeks ago. Please don't judge me.

My relationship has failed and now I am reliving a fucking nightmare of the event that happened to me as a child and I worked so hard to suppress it.

I have no one to talk to.

I've decided to seek therapy and maybe get on an antidepressant but until I have an appointment, I want to hide in a dark corner and cry.

Thanks for reading.

Edit: I don't feel suicidal or anything close to it. I just don't feel like myself. I did manage to brush my teeth today, shower, and put on some decent clothes with one of my favorite perfumes. That made me feel good.. I don't feel comfortable posting publicly but my husband knew about my rape not about the expecting letter. I want to tell him but I also can admit I'd fall for any form of affection he shows right now and it'll prevent the divorce. He's already begging me to rethink it. I have to start healing at some point so he knows but not the latest revelation.