I called the cops.

He was sick. Hes been laying in bed since last week. I get it.

Ive been doing my absolute best taking care of everything else along with our 2 young kids (3 yrs old and 8 mo old).

Yesterday, my 3 yr old and I were playing hide and seek in the house. I baaaaarely have time to play with my son so I really enjoyed it and I know he did too!

My bf got upset that different doors kept opening and closing while my son was trying to find me and proceeded to slam our bedroom door over and over again. Threw his weights at it too. I asked him to stop and he started going in about why he was upset, calling me a stupid ass, etc. Came in the front living room where me and my kids were and spit in my face! Repeatedly! Then got in my 3yr olds face and screamed at him to stop! I felt so hopeless while Im screaming at him to stop yelling at my son like that.( not his biologically). He spit in my face again adn walked away. I grabbed the car seat and threw it at him. That didnt even hurt him, he turned around and came back and spit in my face AGAIN repeatedly. I threw a lotion at him and then he walked up and hit me in my face.

Then he went to lie down like nothing happened. My 3 yr old was crying asking me if Im okay. I called the cops and he left.

This isnt the first time hes hit me. Its just the first time hes hit me in front of my kids or while he was sober. Ive been through months and months of physical, mental, emotional, and verbal abuse by this man and I still love him. I hate it. But I cant go back. I cannot have my kids watch me be broken and broken time after time again.

After the cops left I sat my son down and talked to him. My 3 yr old grabbed my cheek where I was hit and proceeded to kiss it telling me its okay. I promised him no more. I said " no more daddy". And I meant it.

This is hard. Im scared. Im confused. Im hurt. But mostly Im angry. Im angry that I sat here and believed that maybe I would be enough for him if I did this or that. Im angry that I still love him after all hes put me through. Im angry that my son felt unsafe and I felt hopeless. I hope he never comes back. I hope he rots. I hate him.