Family too close for comfort?

Question

Okay here's the story: My husband is in the military and our entire relationship/marriage has been long distance due to deployment. We got married last December in his home town and spent his entire 2 weeks leave with his family-no alone time for our "honey moon"... Fast forward to his mid deployment leave, he got 2 weeks to come home after being gone for 6 months. I expressed to him that I wanted the whole 2 weeks to ourselves since we'd NEVER had any alone time our entire relationship and hadn't seen eachother since our wedding but his mom wanted to come down from his home town to spend time with him too. I thought maybe my husband would like to spend some quality time with his wife too- but no, he threw a FIT& so did his mom because apparently this was my attempt at keeping my husband away from his family... I thought it was only fair since we have plans to see them again for my husband's entire 2 weeks of leave when he gets home from deployment. Anyways, I got what I wanted- I got the 2 weeks alone with my husband but now MIL has it out for me. Am I a crazy psycho bitch trying to take him away from his family? Or am I just an average bride that wanted her honeymoon? Was I wrong for wanting those 2 weeks alone? Please no nasty comments, I've been having a really hard time dealing with this. Feeling like I married a momma's boy 😭

Answer

Each trip should be equally divided then. Everyone needs to learn to share, and his family is obviously very important to him.

Answer

Think of it from his mom's perspective though. Her baby is an active duty soldier. Tomorrow is never promised. I think it would've been nice to allow him some time with his family. One day with mom isn't going to ruin your time with him. You could have used it to get to know her better as well.

Answer

Speaking from experience I understand both sides. As a wife I would totally want to spend all the time with him all alone in a love nest but from his and his moms perspective 2 weeks is a long time not to share him. :/

Answer

Been there, done that. We comprised. We got all of his mid-tour leave and they got to come down for a bit after he got home. Sorry to say this, but once you're married, he needs to clip the umbilical cord.

Answer

I understand where you are coming from. But you guys should have set at least a day or two for him to see his family. I know as a mom myself I would wanna see my baby before deployment. Now as for the whole time no. But A few days would have been imo the right thing to do.

Answer

I can definitely understand both sides. My husband is active duty and I was activity duty when we got married. We never did a honey moon and have never done a vacation for us and our kids. When he gets leave, we go to visit with my family. His family lives in Chile and we just haven't had the money to visit them yet. My husband is more the type to want to have alone time while i prefer to visit my family. It has nothing to do with not wanting to spend time alone with him. It just sucks that our time with family is so limited. So i prefer to spend time with him and my family together. We have gotten better about splitting up alone time and family time when he has leave. We will cut our visits with my family short so we can be home together with our kids. Maybe you guys can compromise and spend part of his leave with his family and the other part with just the two of you. Talk to him about it and work it out. Maybe have a conversation with your mother in law so you can both explain how your feeling so you can come to a middle ground. If you take the time to understand each other a little better and compromise, things will go much more smoothly. When my husband deployed for the second time, he went to visit his family in Chile alone. The military paid for his flight to wherever he wanted to go. We couldn't afford a ticket for my son and I. But i wanted to be able to visit with his family since it had been so long. I didn't see my husband for nearly a year. It wasn't easy, but i am glad he got to see his mom. It sounds like this is still very new to you guys. You will figure it out. It just takes time to work through things like this. I hope you and your husband are able to come up with a solution that will work for everyone.

Answer

I am a military wife as well so I'm going to give you my side of this. My husband and I got married after he finished basic training which means he went straight to tech school and then from there we moved straight to his first duty station. He was a firefighter in the AF so it was really difficult for him to take leave when we first got there. He's deployed twice and both times we got to spend the first night alone together when he comes home and then the rest of the time, we spend with family and friends. You have to understand that you're not the only one who misses him and not the only one he misses. It is very hard but you have to share lol! Also, it was three years before we got our honeymoon... That's just how it goes sometimes. Hang in there, I know it sucks being away from him

Answer

He needs to have a talk with his mom. She can't be a asshole to you when it just seems to me you didn't have ill intentions when u did what you did. You just wanted time with him (inderstandable!) she needs to have respect for her sons wife. As long as your respectful I don't understand why she can't be. And learn also how to share her son.

Answer

Once a man is an adult, I do not believe that he needs to see his family all the time. I'd never deny my husband to see his parents, but I want my time with him. I don't want to see his parents everyday because they leave close. And even if my husband ever went into something like this, then I'd want the two weeks with him. Maybe every other time he comes back they can visit for a few days. But a husband and wives alone time is important for growth. How can you properly get to know each other as a married couple if you have family and friends there everyday, or breathing down your necks? I get, mom misses her son, but I strongly believe that once your husband marries you, mommy and daddy go to the back burner. You become number one as his wife. They've been with him his whole life, I'd hope they'd move on and learn they can't be number one anymore. Sorry lol

Answer

I guess I can kinda understand the mom wanting to see him since its been a long time away for her too. But they should have at least compromised and did 1 week just you 2 and 1 week with mom. I mean you didn't even get a honeymoon. That's so sad! Idk I think your husband needs to learn to compromise and also needs to learn that your private time matters too. I don't understand why he would rather be with his mom than his new wife but clearly they have a really close bond. I would apologize to his mother and just say that you felt that time alone as newlywed a was important but you also understand she missrs her son.  Unfortunately you will have to be the bigger person so you can mend the relationship, you don't want to be on MIL's bad side when they have that close of a relationship. Maybe you can gently explain to husband that you respect his relationship with his mother but now that he's a married man, he needs to be a husband first and a son second.

Family too close for comfort?

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