Why do these thoughts come...

I’m 26 weeks pregnant & my baby has almost everything he needs now. But how come I still have thoughts of not keeping him? 😪

My spouse & I split, for good due to his alcoholism & I’m scared to do this alone. He was there for my first born, but now I have to do it without him and it breaks my heart. It makes me not want to do it at all. I don’t want to raise another kid of his alone again but I also can’t wait to meet him. I’m so mixed up in my feelings i hate that I feel this way. Everyone is so excited for this baby. My first born, he is the sweetest kid ever. He’s so handsome. I love him to bits. But a toddler + a new born on my own? Fuck me 🥺 his dad is no help with our toddler. He’s always with me, besides i don’t trust leaving my son with his dad alone. There’s always drinking where my ex stays.

Will I ever get over this? Will I ever be okay with being pregnant with #2 & having to do it on my own? 😭 My mom said she will always be there to help me, but I’m not sure if she’s enough! I wanted his dad to be with us. So much broken promises on his end 💔