No sex with husband in over a year. EDITED

My husband and I haven’t had sex in over a year & it’s really tearing apart my confidence. To start, no I don’t suspect he’s cheating as we both work from home, & use each other’s phones regularly. We’re hardly apart.

Our daughter will be two this year. During our pregnancy I was put on pelvic rest, & after that just kind of lost the drive. After having my daughter, I dealt with PPD/PPA and being in the mood was hard. We had sex about two times after she was born. Eventually he said he’d no longer be initiating because he was tired of being the one to always initiate. He’d wait for me to initiate or give him the hint that I was in the mood/willing. I understood that & started to work on feeling better about myself so I could initiate. I’ve explained to him I always want him so badly, initiation is really hard for me as I’m dealing with confidence issues. He told me to do whatever I need to do to overcome that. I never told him no when he initiated, I’d just be slower than he liked to get all in.

It’s still really hard as I’m not 100% there but I’m trying. Therapy & such. However it blows my mind that he’s been fine all along. Says he’s completely sexually frustrated, but somehow he’s managed. Just the other day I told him I felt really aroused and would like to try now. He remained lying on the couch & said do it. If you want it, it’s right here. Initiate. I felt really stunned. I wanted him to sit up, get in a better position, be more inviting. Idk. He stood firm on the fact he won’t be initiating. I felt hurt because after all this time, & him claiming to be so sexually frustrated, he didn’t even flinch. It’s really messing with my confidence. Most husbands can’t keep their hands off of their wives. Especially if I’m sitting here literally saying I want you to bang me, I really want to bang you. Am I wrong? Am I being selfish?

To add, I actually still look great physically. It’s really a mental thing, this confidence issue.

Also, I’m not playing victim. I’m asking for help in seeing my fault. As I asked am I being selfish. As I mentioned I NEVER told him no when he wanted it. If you’ve ever experienced PPD/PPA, you know that your days are spent either crying or obsessing that something bad is going to happen to your kid. He didn’t understand why I was always sad or not throwing myself at him. I didn’t expect him to. But I did want/need a little more grace. This just feels like he gave up on me. Please continue to share thoughts. Thank you.