Okay. So I know for a fact there will be strong opinions about our story but that’s just life. Sorry in advance for this being crazy long

My ex and I were together for a year and a half, almost had a baby, but when I lost my baby I became heavily depressed and spiraled I to this controlling person honestly. After 4-5 months of him reassuring and staying faithful(I thought he’d cheat bc I lost a lot of weight and felt really shitty about myself) he finally had enough and cut the relationship in February this year.

I fought my depression on my own, took therapy and group therapy was on antidepressants. Hi early I feel a lot better now. And was feeling great before he and I got back into contact.

We got back into contact (after absolutely none) in the beginning of April. I wanted to get back together right away but he wasn’t sure about it.

He and I both met people while we were apart, the guy I talked to for two weeks forced me into having sex with him and I cut him off. The girl he was talking to hit it off in the beginning up until maybe a month and a half ago when they had sex (yes he and I were talking again, not together).

When they slept together my ex claims that things started fizzling out with her slowly until they stopped talking two weeks ago (ish, I don’t know details) and he expressed he did have feelings for her, but also had feelings for me. When he told me that things started to change and I backed off. But truth is that we can’t let each other go. Maybe it’s the live we’ve had for eachother, maybe it’s that he’s lonely I don’t know.

He asked me to be friends and give him time to get over her so he can heal and we can give this a genuine try.

I told him okay but I have two conditions. I need to know there is absolutely no contact with her at all, and I need him to reflect and make sure that he is not doing this solely because he is lonely. He agreed. Honestly we still show each other affection in spending time together and physically as in shoulder rubs, hugs, simple things.

Honestly I’m struggling because the anxiety I have thinking that he could still be in contact and I wouldn’t know, and that this could all be over when he’s “healed” and no longer lonely. It’s really hard to open myself up again.

Obviously no one has the same experience but I’d love to hear any advice.

He’s been very open lately about his feelings and we’ve been t try I go out best to communicate.

I just know for a fact that I did live who he was when we were together and now there is this other side of him who I didn’t know before that I can chiose to put effort into learning to love. Or I can protect myself by putting up walls and backing out.