MIL & husband (long post)

I’m a FTM to a 2 month old. Now I’ve been having issues with my MIL be completely overbearing since we came home with the baby. It started out with her showing up multiple times a week completely unannounced. I kept telling my husband she needs to call first and he refused to say anything. Finally I had to and it became and issue but we got past it.

Now he’s telling me that his mother wants to come see the baby once a week every week. I’m still home on maternity leave and I don’t want her coming that often. I don’t mind her coming sometime but I don’t think it needs to be every week. I want a break something and don’t want the company. my husband works and he’s not even home to deal with her when she wants to come so I have to.

Now when she’s here she doesn’t let the baby sleep, she never makes him a bottle and never even stops to change his diaper. She just wants to hold him all day and not put him down. So I can’t even rest or sleep bc I basically feel like I need to watch her watch the baby.

He’s very vocal and cry’s when he wants anything, not just cry’s but screams until he’s get his bottle or until his diaper change is over and it makes her nervous and frantic I can see it. Every times he starts to cry she looks to me and says what’s wrong with him. I say nothings wrong with him! He’s hungry I’ll go make him a bottle. She says oh ok. Or I’ll say give me him for a second and she says what no why. I’ll say it’s been a while he probably needs a diaper change. She’ll say oh ok but give him right back. If she’s holding him and he’s uncomfortable he will cry and she again says what’s wrong with him. I say nothing he doesn’t like the way he’s being held see how he’s squirming in your arms. Change his position. She changed his diaper once in the 10 weeks he’s been home and it wasn’t on property hanging off one side strap open. He ended up peeing all over himself.

I feel these are basic things every baby does they cry to let you know what they need and she just doesn’t no how to deal.

I think part of the issue is that my mother helps me with the baby a lot. Mostly bc my husband won’t. Even when he’s home he either sleeps all day, plays video games or watches sport.

I have to force him to hold the baby longer enough for me to shower, use the bathroom etc.

If my mother is here and I say hold him while I go per for a minute he’ll say give him to your mom.

My mom is a huge help and has been completely amazing. She works and still is willing to help after work. She’ll watch the baby while I take a nap, clean the house etc. she’s better with him then we are and I trust her completely. We call her the baby whisper lol she gets him to sleep and stay sleeping every time. Sometimes my husband and I put him down and he wakes up 5 mins later, then we have to start all over again.

Anyway he says because my mom sees the baby his mom should see him once a week at least. I’ve explained to him that my mom helps me and I’m not comfortable with his mom watch the baby.

He gets defensive and says she raised 4 kids she knows what’s she’s doing. Maybe so but it’s not what I see. I don’t need the stress of having to babysit her watching my son once a week. I don’t find it helpful and I’m actually more stressed bc of it.

He wants me to return to work full- time after my maternity leave and let his mother babysit once a week. I’m just not comfortable with this and he won’t budge.

Am I wrong in this situations? Any thoughts on how best to communicate my concerns with out it turning into another argument?