Any advice

I dont know what to gain out or this post as i sound like the worst parent but im at my whits end trying yo get my children to listen especially my 4 year old i try speaking to her calmly and ask her to things calmly but she still pushes me to shout at her and i feel awful when i do because when i shout i shout and i say things i dont mean thats not far on her as i know shes still young but I expect her o be somewhat well behaved 😭 love my kids to bits they are my everything but sometimes they push me to the edge where i start think they deserve so much better than me as their mum my partner can find a better mum for his children 😭

Any advice would be highly appreciated without being judged would me nice