Who would you believe ?

I never thought I’d be in this position. I’m really confused and broken. I feel sad that I’m even questioning my bf at this point. I do want to believe him but all these other people telling me the opposite makes me anxious.

4th of July is coming up! Last year was a pretty bad experience. We had a big barbecue with his family and mine. People got drunk including my boyfriend. But…my boyfriend was beyond aggressive that day. He said he over drank but I honestly don’t know. There were a lot of people and I remember being with my cousins. It was a pretty big house and he was hanging out at the pool table. I didn’t see him much since the gaming room was upstairs and I was downstairs with the girls. Towards the end of the night, he wanted to fight everyone, his face was red, he was just violent overall. I remember his cousin carried him into the car. Apparently he wanted to kill his cousin and couldn’t control himself from screaming. I remember my bf yelling and looked drunk. They took off and My aunt told me I can sleep over and let my boyfriend handle his own things. I was so nervous. His cousins ended up taking my boyfriend home and they didn’t let me around him.

Well it’s going to be a year now! I was texting the cousin who took my boyfriend home that day. This texting interaction happened a month ago! He reached out to me to ask about 4th of July party this year. I told him how after that experience I was very scared. I told him I hate alcohol. He told me it’s not the alcohol. He had asked around and someone told him he did meth that day. Why did I end up finding this a year later?!

I politely said I didn’t want to know anymore and felt like I was betraying my boyfriend by talking behind his back. His cousin said he wouldn’t say anything but that I should be careful. His cousin told me he would talk to my boyfriends dad! He asked if I have ever suspected drug use. I told him idk and I really didn’t want to talk about this. He went on saying he just wants to help my boyfriend from addiction. My dumbass told him that my bf does drink a lot and sometimes he sniffs alot. I told him that it can be allergies. Well the conversation ended quickly.

Well today my boyfriend texted me pissed off. I asked him what’s wrong? And he told me that his dad is accusing him of being a coke addict? My boyfriend was telling me “idk who is putting these ideas in his head. I’ve never tried that stuff. I’ve only tried weed” my bf sounded very honest! I just listened to him and said “idk why your dad would say that?”

I know it was his cousin who told his dad. My bf swears that he’s never done anything besides weed! I need help.