I was raped last year and had a misscarrrige. I am 18 now.

I have been on antidepressant medication for 1.5 years.

I just admitted myself in the hospital in September for severe depression, cutting, and severe suicidal thoughts.

I am in therapy, but my parents hate that I am depressed. They said the rape was ny fault. When I told my doctor I was raped, my doctor told them that I will have a relapse with just antidepressants and that I need to go to therapy. They didn't bring me to therapy until 10 months after I was raped.

I see my rapist everyday at school and am trying my best to just focus on graduating.

I haven't had these thoughts for almost two months and I guess it really frightened me to have them come back. I want to love really. I just got into Harvard and am currently a CNA. I have a future, but my home life is not ideal.

Sigh. I just don't like myself. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I am on antidepressants. I shouldn't have just had a suicidal though right? I felt like cutting but I am not going to. I am safe, just breathing through it.

If anyone else had anything like this happen to them, please tell me how you got through it and how you learned to love yourself again after a rape.