Do you think going back to work would make my situation worse?

Question

How was your transition from a SAHM to the workforce? Did you feel relief or more stress? 
I’m a SAHM and not doing as good as I expected. My fiancé graded me a C when I asked for his opinion on how am I doing with our 2yr old. I’m not as organized, I don’t know what to do with my child that would keep her simulated bc she doesn’t know how to focus yet. I clean everything and cook. I’ve always been an accomplished worker but I wanted to break that mentality to focus on family. My fiancé always brings up that he pays for everything during arguments while I don’t help out with my limited savings. 
I’m really heart broken bc I grew up with a mom who chose work over family and Im over here thinking about doing the same thing. I have high anxiety and depression with low self esteem so it’s almost essential to have an hr break in the day from my child’s nap so I can mentally take care of myself. I’m scared I’ll lose that little break when going back to work tho. I’m conflicted. 😢 would bringing in money help me feel better like I’m contributing more to my family? Would hiring an experienced nanny be more fruitful to my kid than me hanging out with her?

Answer

I’m a working mom and it sounds like your issue isn’t actually staying home. It’s an unsupportive partner. Throwing around that he contributes all the money isn’t healthy. It’s not like you would have decided on your own to stay home. He had to have some say in that decision. 
For feeling organized and like you have “activities” to do with your 2 year old look at The Busy Toddler on Instagram or her website. She has a really good play based approach and has been really helpful to me. She explains the benefits of independent play and facilitated play and learning time. You don’t need all of them everyday. And you definitely don’t have to be a SAHM that creamers their own curriculum! Your job is to just expose your kid to the world!

Answer

Your husband throwing up the he pays for everything is financial abuse. If you can,  start working part time and find your daughter good child care.

Answer

Your fiance sounds like a real dick and since youre providing childcare 24-7, if you were paid for that labor you’d be making fucking bank. If he wants to grade you a c he can fucking do it.
You dont have to feel guilty for wanting to be something other than your relationship to someone else (x’s mother, y’s wife). You also don’t have to feel guilty if there’s days youre not killing motherhood but just… you know… lightly whacking it in the shins and everyone gets ice cream and pringles for dinner because you forgot to put meat out to defrost. 
There’s no perfect mothers, and if your fiance thinks he can do better, he is welcome to take point while you are the primary earner. As someone who does both, career is easier because everything is logical and i dont have to manage a tantruming toddler screaming because he broke his cheese stick…

Answer

Work as easier for my that being a SAHM. I ran back to work lol.

Answer

I’m not going to comment on your husband, but I was very happy to go back to work. I love my daughter more than life itself, but I am not built to be a SAHM and going back to work has made me a better mother. I’m more focused on her and enjoy my time with her outside of my work hours. We have a wonderful nanny and share her with another family, so the two girls get on great and have fun with eachother. It was the best decision for me and my family, and I hope you can find the decision that’s best for you and yours. (Also, financially, my staying at home was a non-starter - but even if we won the lotto - I’d be working).

Answer

I feel like it’s hard for any of us to answer because it’s based on your personality. Some people do better as a stay at home parent mentally and others do better as a working parent. I do with other commenters that the biggest issue is your unsupportive partner. If you two made a decision together that you would stay home he has no right to throw that in your face. He also sounds like the type to still be a jerk if you have a job. You need to have a discussion with him about his arrogance. Being a stay at home parent is a full time job and he is ignoring the contribution you are making that allows him to go to work without any worries about the child or the home.

Answer

It depends… sounds like you have anxiety about leaving your child… I think that’s normal but I also think it’s necessary to have an identity outside of being a mother too… if your fiancé didn’t agree to you being a sahm then yeah you do need to go back to work… it’s not fair to him.. even being out of the house and working is a break from all of it… and it’s oddly refreshing

Answer

I love working and my kids go to a great daycare so they get interaction with other kids. Honestly, my work time is my free, adult time. I listen to the radio or audio books and have lunch with my friends and dress up, it’s amazing! 
The way your partner is treating you is problematic.

Answer

Honestly I feel the best thing to do is stay with your child, my sister regrets going to work and having my mom take care of my niece because she felt she was missing milestones and she then started calling my mom, mom. So she quit and is with her, you can look up stuff to help your child, I see a lot on TikTok, follow “craftymoms” they have a lot of engaging projects! Or look up some on Pinterest

Answer

What would give you the most peace of mind? I think the idea your partner gave you a grade is weird. Are you grading his income level? 
I firmly believe being a SAHM or SAHD is a decision made between two parents. He shouldn’t be throwing the fact that you don’t financially contribute in your face if he agreed that you were going to be a SAHM (even if only for a bit to decide if it was a good fit). You made that choice together so  he should own his part in that. I make about $28k more then my husband but it has literally never been something I would use against him.

Do you think going back to work would make my situation worse?

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