HELP! Romantic dreams about abuser…

Ever since me and my abusive ex broke up (a long long time ago…) I would have dreams about him. They were almost constantly the same thing, I would chase him and ask him why he did what he did and why he wouldn’t talk to me, and he would ignore me and run away and then the dream would end.

I accepted these, I figured they were some sort of response to the trauma.

Lately these dreams have become awful though. One night, in the same dream as usual, instead of running away he just turned to me and apologized and hugged me. He told me he missed me so much and he regretted everything he did to me. I woke up crying next to my fiancé and I felt so ashamed and embarrassed. How could I have these dreams with the love of my life sleeping next to me.

We had a talk and my fiancé told me it was understandable, nobody could be expected to control their dreams. He told me it was probably just my brain trying to make me feel better about what my ex did to me.

It does exactly the opposite. Every time I wake up I am miserable, my entire day is spent recollecting what he did to me and telling myself to not forgive him or miss him because it’s not real.

Any advice? I want to see a therapist but the one therapist I’ve ever seen was emotionally manipulative and I have been anxious ever since….Please be nice.