At my breaking point

I have 6yo, 3yo and 4mo boys. I don’t know if it’s postpartum, lack of sleep or something else entirely, but I feel like a terrible person and mother. My oldest is in virtual school again this year and finds it difficult to stay focused without regular supervision. My 4mo hates tummy time or being left to entertain himself at all, which leaves my 3yo to fend for himself. Let the mom guilt sink in.

But wait! My “SAHD” husband constantly finds things that need to be done outside the house and when he is home, he’s playing games. He says it’s his only time to “get away.”

WHEN DO I GET TO GET AWAY?!

I’m seriously starting to get concerned for my own mental health. I feel like I’m damaging my kids every time I yell or get upset. Then when I breakdown because I’m overwhelmed, I get a, “Well, you didn’t tell me you needed my help.” from my husband. Im so tired of being the brain — the only one who knows what needs to happen and when. Who eats what.

Yes this is a rant. Yes I’ve had many conversations with my husband using different methods and language. No, nothing has changed aside from my increasing level of concern about my mental health and how it will adversely impact my children.