Where do I “fit” , How to come out

Question

Hi. I’ve been finding things about myself lately (I’m 24). I grew up in a very homophobic household so when I was younger I never “entertained” the idea of possibly being in the lgbtq+ community. However, I’ve been doing some self research and research on terms and such. I’ve come to the realization that I am demisexual but also bi or pan possibly ? I know people have different definitions on what bi can stand for. If I’m attracted to non binary people would that make me pan? 
My sister came out to me last year. And I would like to tell her this and ask her, however, I’m scared she won’t necessarily “believe me” as I’ve identified as straight my whole life. 
Please no mean comments 🥺

Answer

sexuality is fluid, you don’t need a definitive label. it’s one of my pet peeves of the LGBTQ+ community, a lot of them feel like you absolutely need to find what you identify with and they put so much pressure on it- especially on the younger queer folks. it’s all a journey that you just started

Answer

I’m pan. And for a while I was walking a line between considering Demi and pan. Pan because I’ve never considered gender a role in who I find attractive and demi because I find a very limited number of people truly sexually appealing and they’ve been people who I’m really close with. But ultimately I made the distinction that while those are the only people I’m willing to fuck, there’s a wider group who I recognize as attractive and I’m not interested in collecting identities so if I’m asked or if I comes up I say “pan.” I didn’t used to like bi and I tend to stay away from it because it doesn’t feel right. It feels like being told men and women are the only ‘right’ genders that can interest me and that’s a fucking lie. So I’ve used bi but I don’t like it much. 
As far as when I really made these distinctions. I was 16 and confused af like so many teens/high schoolers are. Our lgbt club had posted sexualities and definitions around the building and when I ran into the word ‘pan’ I wanted to cry. I’d felt for so long like there was definitely something wrong with me because I truly didn’t understand all the hype around gender and attraction. For so long I’d felt like I’d done something wrong or not paid enough attention when I was told someone (usually a man) was attractive. And I felt like I’d fucked up until I read the word and saw that other people aren’t so interested in making life revolve around body parts either and it made me feel so much better. 
It wasn’t all ‘here I am this is what/who I am’ at all. It was lots of reading and thinking and feeling like I was still wrong and all kinds of self depreciating things, but that’s how these things go too often. 
After a while, I told my mom in some casual way and she told my sister which yknow... Haven’t and never will tell me dad because ‘gay is fine as long as it’s not in this family.’ And my stepmom -who probably things I’m bi- pretty much called me a godless faithless whore when I told her and that’s just the tip of things I’ve heard from her on it. 
Find out what people think before you tell them, pick your battles. Safety first. I told my friends when talks of sex/sexuality came up and just added it in casually. I’m not shamed to be pan, I’m proud of who I am but that doesn’t mean that everyone is nice about it.

Where do I “fit” , How to come out

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