Feeling Guilt


My husband is a teacher and he's made it clear in past years that he cannot take time off work during specific times of the school year, such as during standardized testing, and during the first couple weeks and the last couple weeks of the year.

We've been doing fertility treatments for a while and he doesn't come to the blood draws or the monitoring appointments, but does come for retrievals and transfers, especially since my doctor requires me to have a ride home and not drive myself.

Earlier this year we were in a tough spot in our relationship and my retrieval kept getting pushed back a day at a time and at one point he made a comment that 'if it's on Friday or Monday you're going to have to find yourself a different ride because I can't take work off.'

He said the same thing in February when I had a laparoscopic surgery to remove my tubes because of testing. I was upset and got really pissed off at him, and both times the surgery ended up on the weekend and we didn't have to address it.

That said, we are having a scan tomorrow afternoon after positive betas but some bleeding as well, and it's week 2 of school. He approached me tonight saying he could talk to administration and move some stuff and meet me at the doctor for the scan and I told him no don't worry about it.

Now I feel guilty because I want him to be as involved as he wants to be but at the same time, if it's bad news I don't want to have to comfort him about it, and I felt like he shouldn't get to be there after being mean earlier in the year. Is that selfish of me?

Our relationship is in a much better place than it was and we both really want this baby. I just felt like I wanted to be selfish about this appointment and then had instant guilt about that after saying it to him.