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Question

I don’t know if you guys experienced anything similar, but since getting pregnant, friends have definitely showed their true colours. Single friends especially with one ‘friend’ saying on the day I tell her I’m pregnant that ‘everyone she knew’s first pregnancies ended in miscarriage’. Another complained that it’s unfair I could get pregnant quickly as she’d struggle with PCOS, ‘no offence’ she says (as if that somehow negates saying clearly offensive things). Another has just found ways to flake on catch-ups which is a total waste of my time when organising them. Meanwhile, some other friends have been wonderful and positive, or at least how they’ve always been which is normal and just happy for us at this stage. It seems to be the ladies who have been mums who are more supportive in my case. It’s crazy how people’s true colours show during this time. Have you guys experienced anything similar?

Answer

You're in a different situation now. 
It happens. You are having a child, they aren't. They may not wanna go out for drinks with someone who can't have drinks or be stuck talking about baby things. 
And for your friend with PCOS it probably was hard for her to hear your pregnant. It hurts. I have been there many times. 
Life is different now.

Answer

Yeah I can relate. It honestly had gotten so bad for me during pregnancy losing friends that I sunk into prenatal depression, wasn’t fun. First person cried and told me that I had made them sad by getting pregnant. Second person had started to get so judgmental with me, if I had a personal preference with my baby I was called “picky,” I told her my baby’s name and she told me “wow I’m surprised. That’s a black name.” People can just be so shitty. Now I constantly see my other friends out and about, going to lunches, concerts, having bonfires and I’m just at home. I wouldn’t trade my baby girl for any of that but it doesn’t mean that this stuff feels nice…because it doesn’t. Nobody warned women how lonely pregnancy can actually feel and I hope that you find your peace in life, those friends that want to hang around you and make time for you. You deserve it, it’s not asking too much.

Answer

For me this happened when I got married, apparently me being happy was “too painful” for them since they were recently single. I didn’t rub it in their face and tried a lot. Even after a few months, it’s frustrating but worth finding new friends. I know I’m looking forward to finding some mom friends once I can stay at home, it’ll be good to find some people who are at a similar point in their lives

Answer

Some of my friends still try to get me to go out to drink and party 🙄 some people just have a hard time thinking about anyone but themselves.

Answer

Oh it gets worse once the baby’s here. Then people just assume you don’t want to go to things, or that you won’t want to bring the baby, or that it’s going to be too late so they just don’t even bother inviting you. Or if god forbid, you have a bad day you get reminded “well you chose to have kids” or “well at least you can have kids.”  I’m 10000x closer to my mom friends now.

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My friends have been great but my mom on the other hand…. Yeah her true toxic colors are out. Thank god for my MIL or id be screwed

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Oh yeah. I’m the first of my friends to have a kid (had my first at 28) and the majority of my friends dropped off the face of the planet. Some came to meet the baby but almost none offered support or help. We’re pregnant with our second now and I want more than anything (like most people) for covid to go away so we can feel safe going to kid things and meeting some new parent friends.

Answer

My best friend of 20 years barely talks to me now that I have kids and rarely comes to see me, the only time she talks to me is for advice of ttc or once in a while of “hey how are you doing”

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My husband was the first of his friends to get married. 90% of them just plain stopped talking to him. Then the last few of them stopped talking to him when we got pregnant. A few asked him to lunch a week after giving birth and he said, "come have lunch at my house and meet my daughter" and none of them responded. Still haven't reached out to him since. Our daughter is 2 year old. 
My friend who had already had kids didn't change. But my best friend, who got married a year after I did, started distancing herself when I had. My daughter. She and her husband have been trying since they got married. They've have a miscarriage. And especially after the miscarriage she really really makes excuse in the book for when she can't make time for me. But she somehow always seems to have time for her high school friends to go out drinking 🙄

Answer

Things like this make me happy I only have one friend 😆 I moved to Texas 10yrs ago and haven't made any friends since I'm a SAHM it's hard to meet people so all I have is my best friend and she's supportive. but last year we were both pregnant at the same time and I had a missed miscarriage and that was hard because she complained about every bit of her pregnancy and how she didn't want to be pregnant without thinking about how I just lost a baby I planned for and wanted.

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