Divorce or No Divorce

I’ve been married to my husband for 7 years. I have a daughter from a previous relationship and we have two together.

He don’t want me to get a job. I have no money so I can’t do anything for myself. I stay at home, which I’m thankful for but I don’t ever get to do anything by myself. Hardly even have time for shower/bathroom break alone.

Every time I try to hang out with friends he makes excuses why I shouldn’t. Tells our kids that my friends kids will just come here and break their toys. Not that anyone will actually know, because it never happens.

He is so negative towards my daughter. He doesn’t like her dad, for who knows what reason, and I feel like he takes it out on her. He always has an attitude towards her, and when she gets one back with him he gets mad and blows up. He was trying to talk to her yesterday but the kids and I was doing a craft so she was trying to ask me a question and he got mad. He brought everyone else’s food to the table but hers.

Our 9 month old hardly sleeps at night. Maybe 2 hours tops than wakes up and starts over again. Anyways, he makes me feel guilty for not having time for him when I’m up with baby all night and he sleeps. We also have a 3 year old that stays home with me. So sleeping when baby sleeps isn’t really an option.

When we do have “time for ourself” I don’t even feel like my needs are met. I used to feel like I loved him after but not I just feel like I can’t wait for him to go to work. He goes on like he is happy and nothing is wrong even after I told him I wasn’t happy.

He says he isn’t keeping me from my family but my family has even noticed that when they invite us to things we never go but we don’t miss anything his side does. I’ve missed nieces and nephews birthday parties because of him. I’ve missed thanksgiving and Christmas dinner because of him. I personally feel like he is using his work as an excuse not to go to the dinners. My uncle works with hogs like my husband does, and husband says we can’t go because of the sickness. Which I’ve never really questioned until last night. My uncle was driving a semi for the farmers harvesting the corn behind our house. That just don’t make sense to me.

I went with my grandma the other day to a western boot store and he called me like 4 times just to see what I was doing. I felt like I had to rush to get back home because he rushed off work. Since I had my son 9 months ago, that was my second outing with anyone other than my kids. The other time my cousin asked if I wanted to go grocery shopping with her. We both had our kids and we did just that.

I apologize for this being so long, I just don’t know where else to turn for advice. My family don’t know how he treats my oldest. they don’t know half the stuff.. do I ask family and let them know how I’ve been living and continue to do so or just leave and do better for my children.

Also, dealing with depression sucks. No negative comments please. I know deep down what I want/should do, just looking to see if there’s any agreement. With no job there’s no money and no where to go.

Thanks for any advice.