Baby shower

So I’ve had two miscarriages and I am now unsuccessful on getting pregnant. My boyfriends cousin is on baby #2 and has invited us to the baby shower..while I’m so happy for her, I still get upset wishing it was me. No one knows about our miscarriages. Is it inconsiderate of me to not want to go? To add, his family always makes a joke about how it’s out turn to have kids at events and it makes me uncomfortable and emotional.