just a rant

So i was friends with this guy for months before we admitted to having feelings for each other. now that we have been seeing each other romantically its like so much tension has built up over time we literally cant stop fucking 😭 I'm the type of person that i am not turned on enough to want sex with a guy unless i have an emotional connection with him. it almost scares me how much i'm into him because last time i had this passionate of sex i was 18 and it was with my high school boyfriend, my first love, and he ended up being a pathological liar, cheater, and a piece of shit so i'm a little bit terrified. im 22 now and ive obviously had sexual partners and boyfriends since high school but its been a while since ive had THIS type of feeling for someone. its like a gut feeling. hes perfect. but im scared to get my hopes up 😔 my anxiety is eating me up thinking about the trauma my ex from high school put me through and possibly going through that pain again