I’m going crazy

Hey, so I have been single for the past 3-4 months. Life was going well . Got out from a very toxic relationship. I started finding myself & then I hit rock bottom. It was to good to be true that I found happiness . The start of October 4 my ex showed up at my job and she proceed to hit me . I really thought I would of never felt her hands again but I did one last time. I finally spoke up and called the cops and I know I have a restraining order . She went missing a week ago & she didn’t show up to court but then she was found. Ever since that day I haven’t been feeling well. I get more depressed. Either I sleep a lot or I don’t . I honestly feel like nobody understands me . I cry all the time. I feel so guilty for calling the cops on her. I have so much love for her but I want her officially out of my life . I don’t know what to do. I just want court stuff to end but we have court the 8th of October . I just want to be happy.