What I learned about strict parenting

So, there was a post I saw earlier today. Woman talking about wanting to kick her son out for having a baby even though she’s the one who kept taking away his condoms.

It reminded me of me and my son. He is also 17, with a baby. But it’s not fully his fault- it is also mines.

To be truthful, I did the exact same thing. A lot of parents have a hard time accepting the fact that our children grow up and won’t be our babies forever. Especially once they’re 16+, we know they’ll be leaving the nest soon and many of us try to be super controlling at those ages because we know we’re losing power.

Sex is one of those “big” things where you get the wake up call that your baby is no longer a baby. Only it was a wake up call that I couldn’t yet accept.

I ended up punishing my son for having safe sex as I thought that would stop him from having sex. I thought if I got stricter, they wouldn’t have a way to do it. I even made him quit his job so he couldn’t have money anymore to buy more condoms- which he did several times but I continued taking them.

Eventually he ended up getting his girlfriend, behind the back of a building which is a very risky place to have sex, but that’s where they went to since I took all of their safe places away. She was tracking her cycle and got her ovulation dates screwed up, misunderstood.

I was very upset. Super angry. And it messed up my relationship with my son even more than it already was. But I was the one who screwed up first and I needed to get that through my head.

It took weeks and weeks of apologizing and trying to do right by my son before he started to let me in again. Originally he was going to move out at 18 just so he wouldn’t have to look at me anymore, but 18 is very young to move out- especially when you have a baby- and I didn’t want him to throw himself into the world much sooner than needed. So I did what I could to convince him to stay, and that was by admitting my mistake constantly. All he wanted was.. Me to admit that I screwed up.

Our relationship is still rocky because he’s struggling to fully accept me in his life again, which is understandable. He is a father now. This is his baby. He is so happy she’s here. He loves her with all of his heart. He’s a great father.

I have a daughter who is 13. I now know how to be better when she reaches his age and starts dating. I would hate to screw up a relationship with two kids.

For all of you, I know that it is so hard letting go of your teens when they get older- but it is something we have to learn how to do. It’s okay to try and instill your values but they don’t have to follow them and that’s absolutely okay, because they are their own people. Sex is normal.. But the way some of us parents react to it, is not. Let’s be better..

Think about this before you react or post about your consenting aged teenager being sexually active.