READ BELOW Please do not judge me or be negative. Thank you.

Okay.. so husband (boyfriend at the time) cheated on me in high school. We were about 15-16 years old.

I went to a different school, so I didn’t know about it at first. He told me a couple days after it happens. I ask him, “did you two have sex” and he said no just oral. I reached out to the female and spoke to her as well, she also said it was just oral and she apologized and what ever.

It took me about a year to take my boyfriend back, but I did it. We were fine. BUT something is killing me.

7 years later… I still have recurring nightmares about this girl. She is also around often (out of our control she’s dating someone in the family)

I will be sitting eating lunch and all the sudden I’ll wonder “what if they did have sex and they’re not telling me” and my stomach gets so sour.

I don’t think I’ve ever been able to really get over this- yes I married him. That’s why I said please do not judge. I can ask him a million times if he had sex with her-his answer stays the same…

I don’t know what to do.. these intrusive thoughts even happen while we’re having sex. I’ll think about it and then no longer feel good and can’t have sex. I feel like I’m broken. I have dreams of him chosing her over me. It just breaks my heart cause we both haven’t had sex with anyone but each other and that means a lot to me so that’s why I’m scared he has had sex with someone else.

I don’t know what to do :( this has become an unhealthy obsession of being worried and doubtful. Every time we’re around her it’s worse but we can’t avoid family functions any longer.. it’s embarrassing to admit the reason we don’t go is cause I’m stuck on something that happened when I was 15.

Advice please? I just wanna feel better. I’ve tried therapy, medications, talking to him, deep breathing, talking to her etc… nothing helps these thoughts and feelings. I just wanna be happily married. I wanna be able to go to family events and not hold my breath the whole time. I want a normal life. Please someone.