He feels guilt but I can’t stop now

This is long, please read the entire thing before commenting. Me and my husband are expecting baby 3 in February, I work full time from home and also started homeschooling our preschooler because it’s been impossible to get him in anywhere and I didn’t want him falling out/behind. I’m a high risk pregnancy due to my lupus and I’ve also got horrific anemia on top of everything else, needless to say I’ve been tired, very tired. Husband also works full time and outside the house, he’s been gone a lot more lately and only just now things are calming down at work. I thought I was pretty good at keeping my negative emotions and exhaustion to myself but the other night I just couldn’t take it anymore.

He came home and I just started venting about how sore my feet are, how much my back hurts, my head is always on fire and I just would love more than anything to have a nap.

Shouldn’t have said that I guess… he got really offended and said something to the tune of: it would be really nice if I didn’t have to come home to you passively aggressively nagging me into doing a bunch of shit around the house after I’ve been working all day.

I said I was confused as I didn’t think the house looked THAT bad but he went on to say that it was always a mess lately and he was getting sick of eating soups and leftovers. I felt awful. Genuinely! But I didn’t want to cry in front of him because I was worried he would think I was guilt tripping him. I could tell a few moments after he said it he really regretted it. He’s been apologizing constantly since that night but I can’t stop now.

Everything HAS to be clean, the kids HAVE to be bathed and their teeth MUST be brushed and their hair HAS to be in order before dad comes home, my work has to be tidied and away and my workplace immaculate. I’ve gotten to the point where I am vacuuming and sweeping almost three times a day.

The pets have to be brushed and fed and watered, there can’t be any traces of litter or mess in the animal spaces.

I’m always on top of what’s in the pantry and cooking everything from scratch and I still feel SO guilty and SO tired. Even though he’s profusely apologized over and over again I can’t get it out of my head. I don’t WANT him to have to do anything so I’m always scrambling to get it done before he comes home. He said the other night it’s okay for me to leave things out and lying around, to leave dishes in the sink, that he shouldn’t have ever said that and that I didn’t have to kill my self making the house perfect, and he doesn’t mind spending time

with the kids without me, and that he would love to take them out for a few hours so I can rest. I told him he didn’t have to do that if he doesn’t want to, plus we live in Alaska so it’s damn near freezing all the time and by the time ne gets home it’s so dark out anyway, and there isn’t much to do. But he did take them to the store and while he was away I mopped, and dusted and cleaned the bathrooms out of guilt. I just can’t. I’m tired, but I feel like I’m such a failure.

My midwife is also concerned because recently I’ve been dealing with some spotting. I haven’t told my husband because I don’t want him to feel bad but I don’t know what to do. I need actual help please! Even now I’m making my second list of the day during my lunch break on things I need to get done before he gets home. If you read all of that thank you.