Found out having a girl- old trauma coming up

So I wouldn’t call it gender disappointment, but I found out today I’m having a girl (16w) and this is my first—and I don’t know if it was intuition or hope that I was having a boy and now I’m wrong.

I had and still have a horrible relationship with my mother that repeatedly told me I was a burden in her life, fat, disgusting, you know the drill-all the psychological abuse you can think of.

I’ve also been molested by my uncle and my dad at a young age.

For the most part a lot of it was behind me and I was doing okay but when I got pregnant the dust started stirring up on these old issues, and I guess I was hoping to have a boy to not have to deal with all my trauma all at once. It’s already hard enough being a FTM without all this additional crap. Having a girl is making my claws come out more lately and I don’t want to be a crazy overprotective micromanaging mom because of my personal traumas. Any advice?

Right now I can’t afford to talk about it with a therapist but I’m trying to figure out how to deal with these issues.

Also I’m aware these issues and traumas can happen to a boy too but I guess with a girl it’s becoming like a mirror and I’m terrified I’ll end up like my mom.