How do you divide thanksgiving?

Question

My fiancé never discussed Thanksgiving with me and he made comments to me, his mom and siblings that alluded to us spending it with his family. We spent last year with them. 
When I found out my aunt had invited us and my family was going there I told my fiancé. His immediate response was “my moms hosting” then said we’d figure out how to do both. My aunt is an hour away though. 
Today he’s talking to his moms about how she’s having her brothers family over after dinner, but we’ll be outside because of covid and my fiancé agreed to setup the fire and everything. 
I’m a little upset that he just assumed we’d do dinner at his moms. It’s definitely not possible to do everything(see my family, dinner with his and that outside fire situation) because his moms hosting later than my aunt. I honestly want to spend dinner with my family and not just go for dessert. 
Advice?

Answer

You have to communicate more as a couple. We always tell family that we will discuss it and get back to them once we know our plans. It changes every year for us. This year, we won’t see my in-laws on Christmas Eve or Day, so we’re spending Thanksgiving Day with them and won’t see my family. We try to balance it out as best we can. My in-laws are about an hour away from my parents, so some holidays we do both - like a brunch at one and a dinner at the other.

Answer

I mean if they’re only an hour away from each other I don’t see how you can’t do both?? Unless they’re at the same time. This is honestly something the two of you need to discuss. I know in the past I’ve done thanksgiving with one family, then Christmas with the other. Then swapped the following year. Maybe that will work

Answer

I'm European, so we don't celebrate.
So for us the big family gathering is usually Christmas. We celebrated apart most years. To be with our own families. And then the next days was a bit of a puzzle.
Now we have a child, we have decided to be with my brother one year and my husband's sister the other. So we switch every other year. Our parents are secondary, because divorce makes it difficult. We fit them in other days around Christmas usually.
So that's how we do it. Whenever there has been an issue we've talked about it. And that is key in a relationship in all areas. Remember to talk together. Also the hard talks that might mean you have to be with your partners family one year instead of your own. He has to learn that 😊

Answer

We trade off. If our families lived closer to each other, then we would do both, but we just switch out every year. My cousins used to have dinner with their side of the family & then come to our house for dessert!

Answer

We trade who has lunch and who has dinner between thanksgiving and Christmas. So this year, my FIL didn’t tell me that they were going away for thanksgiving, but I was going to tell them we’d like to do a lunch with them and dinner with my family. Then Christmas, I’d suggest doing lunch with my family and dinner with them. 
One year, we had to go between 3 houses. We did like a brunch with his mom, later lunch with his dad, and dinner with my mom. Thankfully, that’s the only time in 4 years we’ve had to do all 3 places!

Answer

We rotate. We live 8 hours away from my folks and 2 blocks from his. 
Easter/Thanksgiving/New Years are paired together (“A” years)
July 4th/Christmas are together (“B” years)
It works really well for us. This is an “A” year so we are traveling for Thanksgiving. But before we were married I had absolutely no problem spending the holidays with my folks while he spent it with his. Some holidays we went to one place or another together but we almost always spent Christmas with our own families.

Answer

We do every other year and switch off Thanksgiving and Christmas. Last year was my family had thanksgiving and his family had Christmas. This year we switch so that my family has Christmas and his family has thanksgiving lt seems more fair to both of us this way.

Answer

We go to my in laws early and hang out through the meal. Then we drive to my family about 1.5 hours and do dessert and hang out for the evening. You could also split up if you want. We have done that some years too. Do whatever you want.

Answer

We do both usually. My side is early so it works. We lost his Mom so niw we will just do mines. Or we do something small at our house & invite his Dad & mil. They stay a few days and it's comfortable. This year just my side as we are expecting & Im not hosting, cooking, or cleaning. Im cookin the baby. 😂 My Grandma does most of the cooking.

Answer

I wouldn’t miss thanksgiving. They should coordinate a time so you can go to both. Your fiancé isn’t just going to decide how you spend this day. Maybe have one fami my do it in the afternoon and the other in evening?

How do you divide thanksgiving?

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