Hi. I am 18 years old and im feeling lost.

So I want to start off by saying my relationship with money has been a journey. I grew up in the struggle and it's taken me a while to find that balance between love and hate when it comes to money. I've always known that if i wanted something i had to work hard for it, and I've also overworked myself to the poi where I've learned getting what I want takes time.

Last year, when i was 17, i was in a toxic home situation and i worked so much because in my head i thought i could get custody of my little sister when i turned 18 (we are out of that home so it didn't happen but we live together with our parent now). Of course, it's not impossible but it would've been highly unlikely with the way i was going. I mean there so much i didn't know (and i bet what i know now is only the beginning), and well i would work so much to save up money that i almost dropped out of school. I just wanted to make sure her and I were good.

Anyways i grew up poor my whole life but even then, when my sis and i left that home, we lost everything. The only thing we had was the pajamas we were wearing.

Luckily, we had a lot of support from our school but I definitely know what it's like to lose everything.

I was down for a whole and hurt, and i honestly still carry a lot of that hurt with me even after putting in the time and work to heal. A lot of what happened had to do with our own family doing us dirty so you could imagine how it feels to be thrown to the ground by your own people.

I feel like there's so much that i know that people my age don't, but at the same time there's simple things i don't know or haven't experienced that a lot of my peers probably have... And i just feel so alone.

I went through toxic relationships all throughout highschool which I've also learned a lot from, so my love life right now feels overwhelming. It's not drama filled or anything, but I'm talking to this guy who is the complete opposite of me. And I'm in awe of him, to the point that it's scary because i feel like I'll ruin him.

And i have 2 friends who I'm not even too close with anymore because they have their own life's going on.

Anyways, i recently started working over 2 weeks ago. I work 40 hour weeks and have 2 days off which i feel like is pretty good so far. But recently i find myself very lost. I gave y'all the backstory on my struggle with finances because I've learned it takes time to reach my goals and i should take care of myself in the meantime. Like it's really important that i rest and all that.

I also mentioned my relationships because I've come to learn that although I'm very giving and passionate, I'm still my own person outside of relationships. And i respect and love myself too much to put up with what I've put up with before.

I also mention my friends because i don't exactly feel like i belong anywhere.

I know i need to work on the love with myself. Me resting is import for myself. I love the comfort of it. But I've recently asked myself what excites me? I feel like something inside me needs to be freed but a part of me wants to stay in my comfort. Another part of me, is afraid of doing it alone.

In my relationships, i question whether i do things because they feel good or if it's actually that love and passion. It's like when you're touch starved and someone finally hugs you, and you can't help but to go back for more. Do you want it because it's comforting or because you actually love the person?

I've always used money as an excuse and not having a car, but how I'm going right now has me feeling lost. And so alone.

I feel like there is some fear in me if the unknown and having to go through it alone. There's also this part of me that feels tired.

I don't know what exactly I'm looking for.

I feel lost is the best I can describe it.

I know it's normal but i need some genuine guidance.

And please don't tell me i need talk to a therapist... Don't we all? (Plus i have no insurance haha)

Has anyone?

The Top Baby Tracker App: Embrace New Beginnings with Tender Care

The Top Fertility Tracker App: Your Path to Achieving Pregnancy

The Top Pregnancy App: Nurturing Your Journey to Motherhood

The Top Period Tracker for Empowering Your Menstrual Health Journey