I Stopped Trying

My husband and I got in an argument after I started my last period and I broke down to him about my desires for having kids. I had already backed off a few months before that cause I could tell he wasn’t really trying or wanting to try. Well he basically told me he ain’t ready and wants to work on himself. Understandable. I can’t really argue with that. But it hurts. I told myself it’s whatever. Try to enjoy our marriage before we have more kids (I have two from a previous marriage.) He went through a couple traumatic events that are part of the reason why he wants to wait now. Also understandable. So I decided this month I’m doing me. I had a lot of wine, which I usually don’t cause I don’t believe in drinking a lot. Kind of feel bad about it but I also feel alone in my desires so I just kind of caved. We don’t have sex a lot so we don’t use protection. Been married for 14 months and when we first got married we were trying and he wanted a baby but then kind of freaked out and changed his mind on me to wait. So I figured it’s gonna happen when God says so. I gave it to God and told Him whenever it happens then it’s His Will for it to happen then. It’s His timing. He knows when my husband is ready enough. I just wanted to vent and have some people convince me to wait to test this month. I was poas freak and I know that since we aren’t really trying the chances are low anyway so I shouldn’t even bother buying a box of tests. But since we aren’t using protection there’s still a chance so I don’t want to dismiss testing if I start getting symptoms just in case, I just don’t want to think about it or anything anymore. But man do I want a baby with him so bad 😞 Anyone else’s spouse change their mind on them like that? It’s frustrating