DADDY ISSUES 🥺🥺🥺 DONT WANNA LOSE MY BF 😭

I have an amazing boyfriend in the world for real, the guy is the most understanding, loving, caring, supportive, comprehensive, communicative, a definition of a sweetheart and to finish this paragraph HE’S A MAN WHO WILL JUMP ON THE FRONT OF A GRENADE FOR ME!!!

As most young women I’ve had a bad past where I gave myself so easily to men that mistreated me until I met my boyfriend almost 2 years now.. My man will often say: my past doesn’t defines me, but it’s how I’m looking at the future and the direction I’ll be choosing with my life that might.

I’ve never met my Dad but knows him and live in the same town as me, my mum restricted me to connect with him.. and it’s one of the things my boyfriend never like to talk about to make me feel uncomfortable but he encourages me to start talk about it and why not sit my mum understand her decision to forbid me connect with him, as a 21yo woman I’m today it’s my choice and not my mom’s.

Bare in mind my man had a bad past with his parents with lies and keeping him in the dark that resulted to him stay away from his mom!!!

But the past months all I’ve been doing is hurting my man, and every decisions I’d be making I don’t meant them but just happened.. the stupid lies here and there, hiding things that I shouldn’t even hide and lied about, while all he ever does is loving me unconditionally

He once told me he talked to his mates and they told and showed him facts too, articles etc that most women with “daddy issues” can’t be in a committed relationship or can be trusted

No matter what his mates might told him and found on research, that never changed him a bit but still supports and care for me, but lately I just can’t stop not making him feel unappreciated and I don’t value him as he values me.. He’s always being so patient with me and all I’ve been repaying him with lately is HURTS: the lies on stupid things and whereabouts, I just realised I can’t connect with him mentally and emotionally but mostly physically, with him bein so patient still the crack are starting to show on the surface.

He’s been wanting to take a break from us but I just can’t figure my life without him and that word “break” always gets me really emotional 😭 that I dont even wanna hear/think it.. like he said and I know it, he’ll wait for me for as long it might take for me to figure out myself

The decisions I make to hurt the sole person that truly loves me and at the same time not fully understanding why I keep doing it and always says I didn’t meant to then apologisin and kept goin back to the same mistakes that hurts his feelings

He’s been straight forward to me lately how unappreciated he’s been feeling me leaving him in the dark, on the cold, not spending my time to help myself grow as a person and to contribute in our relationship but I love outing with my friends, which he doesn’t mind at all, but like he’d say: “if you don’t spend couple of minutes here and there investing in yourself (self growth) or invest in us but have time to be partying, hands on on social media.. then that’s the issues that’s slowly driving me away no matter how much I love you and see a future with you, it hurts even more when it’s from the person I’ll fight the world to see her happiness””if it’s us against the world then f*** the world” << he often tells me! 🥺🥺🥺

I really wanna improve as a woman and mostly on communication and be the woman he so deserves of but I don’t know how and where to start 🥺

Any tips, anybody experienced this in the past?

REALLY WHAT SHOULD I DO❓this the man I wanna spend the rest of my life with, build a family considering how he love my family and he’s siblings, and they all love and respects him in return.. I keep hurting such a man, when I should stop!!! 🤦‍♀️

I NEED HELP!!!!! 😢😢😢🥺