Nervous and scared to have sex

I feel so embarrassed. I’ve been with my fiancée for two years. He is the most loving, patient, and kind man. He prioritizes my comfort 24/7. We’ve had sex throughout our relationship frequently but for the past few months I’ve had to stop before penetration because I get really anxious or scared. To be clear: it has nothing to do with him.

TRIGGER WARNING

I was r*ped and it’s affected sex for me since.

I want to go through all the motions of sex without having to stop every single time. I’m so embarrassed. He never complains when I tell him I want to stop. He never gets mad. He always just comforts me and assured me it’s okay.

What’s wrong with me :(?

I really do want to have penetrative sex but right before I just freak out and he can sense it.

It also doesn’t help that I have pain with sex. A PT reccomended breathing exercises that have helped but it’s not really enough :/ it usually comes on when we stop. I’m so, so discouraged.