I miss him like crazy

I miss my ex. I know everyone says an ex is an ex for a reason. And how there is a reason you guys broke up. Dust off and move on.

I can't. I've tried. I continue to miss my ex.

We started as best friends - wanted to be more than friends. He was in the middle of a divorce. I wanted to wait to make things less complicated. And it was ok being best friends who were waiting to be together. But then it turned to more and we didn't keep waiting. Without slapping a label on us, we were dating but just didn't announce it. We were best friends who loved each other. Best friends who fell in love with each other. Best friends who spent nearly every day together. Best friends who slept together. Best friends who got pregnant together. Best friends who miscarried. Best friends who loved each other so hard it hurt. Best friends who were destroyed because my parents drove a wedge between us.

I understand why my parents didn't approve. We weren't perfect. He was not divorced yet. I was seeing (and waiting to marry) a married man. It sounds insane putting it into words right now but that's exactly what I was doing. Waiting to marry a married man. Sure they were separated but on paper they were married.

We parted ways. It was hard. Hard AF. My parents pushed us so hard. It hurt. And gave me the ultimatum of them (my entire family) or this married punk who I was wasting time waiting for. I was scared. Just terrified and I let everyone get into my head.

Eventually I dated. But still to this day, he was the last person I slept with 1.5 years later. I can't bring myself to sleep with someone else. My body craves him not other people. He knew me emotionally spiritually physically everything. We were so close. I can't , in a sense , replace him. I met this guy a couple months back and he's nice he's a good guy but he isn't the one I lost. And I'm having to be honest with him that I can't pursue anything besides friendship with him because I'm not over my ex who I know was my soul mate. Everyone knows. Even my parents knew. Sigh. I just needed to share my burden. It's breaking me. I was happiest when he was in my life - even when it wasn't romantic. Just his company and friendship was everything to me. I knew him inside and out. And vise versa. 😔